Chapter 1
Marriage Problems
You Need Something That Works
The same old "solutions" won't do, because they haven't worked.
I would propose to you that you therefore need to do something
dramatically different.
Painful Reactions
There is a reason for the pain and stress in your marriage. Unless
the core reason is addressed, the painful interactions continue,
despite your and your spouse's attempts to change.
That is why most marriage seminars ultimately fail - they fail to deal
with the core reason for the difficulties. The typical marriage
seminar teaches you some rules to try to follow, such as
communication skills, the differences between men and women,
or a sequence of steps to follow to resolve conflict. They work for
a few weeks, but one day you wake up and find yourselves in the
same old rut.
It's An Inside Job
These approaches fail, because the problems in your marriage
don't originate in your "head," so your head can't solve them. The
problems are spontaneous and emotional, because they originate
in your "hearts," below your level of consciousness. You do not
have conscious control over your "heart."
This is why the problems are so frustrating. You may truly love
your spouse, but you find yourself unintentionally hurting them, or
over-reacting to them.
The Apostle Paul wrote eloquently about this dilemma:
Doesn't this describe your situation?
You don't purposely hurt your spouse. In fact, you may feel awful
after you have hurt him or her. You simply find yourself
spontaneously and unintentionally reacting in a way that hurts
them, and vice-versa.
The only solution that will end this cycle must address the issues
in your "heart." When your "heart" changes, you react differently.
Then you don't have to try to react differently. You simply do so,
as unintentionally and automatically as you used to react badly.
It Is Possible!
Sound too good to be true? It is impossible for us to make this
change in our own strength. But that is why Jesus came and died
and rose again: to provide the way for us to be changed into His
image. When we become like Him, we spontaneously act and
react like Him. And Jesus would not have the marriage difficulties
you are experiencing.
Therefore, the cure for your marriage difficulties is for you to learn
how to let Jesus change you in your "heart." Paul goes on to say:
You Need Detailed Instructions
The provision has been made by Jesus, but you need detailed
instructions as to how to appropriate that reality.
We don't change ourselves. Jesus performs a miracle as He
changes us. If we could do it ourselves, He died in vain.
To begin a journey of discovery of the provision that will truly heal
your "hearts,"
Then read the subsequent chapters in sequence. You can move
to subsequent chapters by clicking on them on the left of each
web page.
You are free to spend as much time as you like on this
website, and you can jump in and out as your schedule
gives you time to read. When you come back, you can
just take up where you left off by clicking on the
appropriate chapter in the links on the left of the web
pages.
The Book In Print
The book is also available in print. You can buy a copy at any time
by clicking here or on the "Buy A Book" link on the left of each
web page.
Copyright Edward Kurath 2008
Marriage Problems
You Need Something That Works
The same old "solutions" won't do, because they haven't worked.
I would propose to you that you therefore need to do something
dramatically different.
Painful Reactions
There is a reason for the pain and stress in your marriage. Unless
the core reason is addressed, the painful interactions continue,
despite your and your spouse's attempts to change.
That is why most marriage seminars ultimately fail - they fail to deal
with the core reason for the difficulties. The typical marriage
seminar teaches you some rules to try to follow, such as
communication skills, the differences between men and women,
or a sequence of steps to follow to resolve conflict. They work for
a few weeks, but one day you wake up and find yourselves in the
same old rut.
It's An Inside Job
These approaches fail, because the problems in your marriage
don't originate in your "head," so your head can't solve them. The
problems are spontaneous and emotional, because they originate
in your "hearts," below your level of consciousness. You do not
have conscious control over your "heart."
This is why the problems are so frustrating. You may truly love
your spouse, but you find yourself unintentionally hurting them, or
over-reacting to them.
The Apostle Paul wrote eloquently about this dilemma:
- "For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to
do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do." (Romans
7:15 NKJV).
Doesn't this describe your situation?
You don't purposely hurt your spouse. In fact, you may feel awful
after you have hurt him or her. You simply find yourself
spontaneously and unintentionally reacting in a way that hurts
them, and vice-versa.
The only solution that will end this cycle must address the issues
in your "heart." When your "heart" changes, you react differently.
Then you don't have to try to react differently. You simply do so,
as unintentionally and automatically as you used to react badly.
It Is Possible!
Sound too good to be true? It is impossible for us to make this
change in our own strength. But that is why Jesus came and died
and rose again: to provide the way for us to be changed into His
image. When we become like Him, we spontaneously act and
react like Him. And Jesus would not have the marriage difficulties
you are experiencing.
Therefore, the cure for your marriage difficulties is for you to learn
how to let Jesus change you in your "heart." Paul goes on to say:
- "O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this
body of death? I thank God - through Jesus Christ our
Lord!" (Romans 7:24-25, NKJV).
You Need Detailed Instructions
The provision has been made by Jesus, but you need detailed
instructions as to how to appropriate that reality.
We don't change ourselves. Jesus performs a miracle as He
changes us. If we could do it ourselves, He died in vain.
To begin a journey of discovery of the provision that will truly heal
your "hearts,"
Then read the subsequent chapters in sequence. You can move
to subsequent chapters by clicking on them on the left of each
web page.
You are free to spend as much time as you like on this
website, and you can jump in and out as your schedule
gives you time to read. When you come back, you can
just take up where you left off by clicking on the
appropriate chapter in the links on the left of the web
pages.
The Book In Print
The book is also available in print. You can buy a copy at any time
by clicking here or on the "Buy A Book" link on the left of each
web page.
Copyright Edward Kurath 2008
Divinely Designed
Being changed into the image of Jesus
Being changed into the image of Jesus
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