!-- Begin Web-Stat code 2.0 http/html -->
| <script src="http://www.google-analytics.com/urchin.js" type="text/javascript"> </script> <script type="text/javascript"> _uacct = "UA-3939231-1"; urchinTracker(); </script> |
 | |  | |  | |  | |  | |  |
Divinely Designed
Being changed into the image of Jesus
Being changed into the image of Jesus
Chapter 5
Forgiving Ends These Problems
Jesus Can Set You Free
Forgiveness Is Essential
We have seen that "judging" is what plants the bitter roots in our heart
that causes us to have bad fruit in our lives. This is a serious
condition, and we need a way to be set free from the influence of these
bitter roots. Forgiving and being forgiven by God is the cure. It is the
only way that the bitter root is pulled out and replaced by a good root,
which is the presence of Jesus in us.
God has told us a great deal about why forgiveness is essential.
How Forgiving Sets Us Free
We need His blood to wash away this sin of judging so we don’t have
to reap the resulting consequences that come about from the
operation of God's laws. The only way to accomplish this is to forgive
(from our heart) the one who wounded us, and then to be forgiven by
Jesus. When He forgives us, He pays the debt we owe in the spiritual
realm, and we are set free from the consequences we would otherwise
have to pay for our debt.
When we forgive, Jesus comes into that place inside us and displaces
the bitterness. Then we become like Him in that area. Therefore,
forgiveness is the only way we can be changed into the image of
Jesus.
If We Don't Forgive . . .
If we don’t forgive (from our heart), we won’t be forgiven by God
(though this sin will not send us to hell). If we are not forgiven by God,
we will continue to do the things we hate (we will continue to
experience the reaping from the operation of God’s laws, of
experiencing bad fruit from a bad root).
There simply is no other way to be set free.
It Is A Miracle!
Stopping the reaping from our judging takes a miracle. "It means that
free, ethical obedience can have its origin only in miracle, quite in
keeping with the view that from the fetters of flesh and sin man must
be freed to obedience by the deed of God."
We need a legal transaction to take place in the spiritual realm if we are
to be like Jesus. Once the bitter root has been removed, and Jesus
has moved into that place in our heart, good fruit begins to grow.
What Does It Mean To Forgive?
There are two common obstacles that often make it difficult for us to
forgive. The first obstacle is that we misunderstand what God meant
by "forgive." "Forgive" is a word that is so common among Christians
that we think we know what it means. However, most of us were
taught what this word means by the world around us, and so the
meaning we have attached to it may not be the same as what God is
referring to when He tells us to forgive.
An Obstacle To Forgiving:
Sometimes this misunderstanding gets in the way of our being able to
forgive others in the process of our healing.
For instance, many of us have heard something like, “Forgive and
forget." We try to do that, and we find we can’t forget what the person
did to us. Then we think we haven’t forgiven. Or perhaps somebody
has hurt us, and we may believe that forgiving means we need to again
make ourselves vulnerable to that person. Then something inside us
resists forgiving, because we are sure the person will wound us
again. Then we find it difficult to forgive.
God Wants To Bless You
However, God loves you and He will not ask you to do something that
is not good for you, or is dangerous or destructive to you. Once you
understand what God meant when He told you to forgive, you will find
it much easier to forgive from your heart. Your misunderstanding of
what it means to forgive may have been keeping you in bondage.
What Forgiveness Is NOT
Forgiveness is not the following:
What Forgiveness IS
Forgiveness is deciding not to hold the other person in debt.
Unforgiveness says, “You unjustly hurt me, and you owe me a debt. I
will make you pay.” Forgiveness says, “Even though you hurt me and
owe me a debt, I am writing it off. You owe me nothing. It is not my
place to make you pay, and I release you to the judgment of Jesus. He
is the just Judge, and He will rightly decide the case. If there is any
penalty, He will collect it.” Forgiveness does not say, “Go get 'em,
God. You make him pay.” Such a statement clearly reveals bitterness
still lodged in the heart.
A Second Obstacle To Forgiving
In addition to misunderstanding what forgiveness really is, there may
be a second obstacle to forgiving. We may fear that if we give up our
resentment we won't be protected. We may believe that a wall of
resentment will protect us. This is, of course, a lie. Holding the
resentment causes us to suffer.
As I will discuss in a later chapter (Chapter 8 about honoring parents),
we perceive God in the same way that we perceive our parents. If they
were protecting and nurturing, it will be easy for us to see God in this
way. However, if they were neglectful, or unloving, or mean, or
abusive, there will be a deep sense in us that all authorities are this
way, including God. When our parents were this way, we had to look
out for ourselves and be our own protector. Later in life we will then
struggle with trusting God to be our protector. But in reality, He is the
only one who can protect us.
We Are The Ones Who Suffer
If we do not forgive, we are the ones who suffer. God is a just judge,
which means that no one ever gets away with anything, ever,
anywhere. Not everyone believes this, but it is true. The law of God is
inescapable, and whatever we sow, we will surely reap,
Because forgiving is so important, we need to remove every
obstacle that prevents us from accomplishing it, and we
need to be diligent in accomplishing it.
Remove Bitter Roots Immediately!
Bitter roots are easier to eradicate if we remove them soon after they
are planted. The longer they are allowed to grow, the larger the root
system becomes and the more difficult they are to pull out. Gardeners
understand this. When a weed first comes up in a garden, it is small
and frail. It can be plucked out easily.
However, if one neglects the garden for some time, pulling the weeds
is a big job. The roots of the weeds have then become large and
entrenched, and sometimes a large hole has to be dug in order to
remove them. Healing is easier if you remove a bitter root as soon as it
is planted.
Unforgiven Judgments Accumulate
Another thing happens if we neglect to keep up with our "weeding." If
we allow the sins to pile up, eventually they become too obvious to
ignore. People who have lived in the country know what a septic tank
is. It is a big cement tank buried under ground into which the
wastewater from a house runs. There the waste goes through a
natural process of cleansing, but some types of waste stays in the
tank and gradually fills it up. Periodically it needs to be pumped out, or
it overflows and makes a smelly mess. Our hearts are a bit like septic
tanks. If we don't keep our own pumped out, it eventually fills up with
junk, overflows and makes a mess. It is therefore important that we
pump ours out every time some waste enters it.
In other words, we need to forgive every time we judge so that our own
"septic tank" (our heart) stays clean.
Who Do We Need To Forgive?
There are probably many people we need to forgive. Psychotherapy
and Christian counseling have both tended to focus on relationships
with our parents and our siblings. Without a doubt these relationships
were impactful, and the roots of bitterness resulting from being
wounded by them cause major problems for us.
However, the deepest hurts, the greatest emotional pain, and the most
devastating fruit comes from judging God and judging ourselves.
Yet it may seem strange and new to be walking through forgiveness of
God and of ourselves.
Importance Of Forgiving God
Somehow it seems weird to forgive God, because He did not do
anything wrong! And perhaps it is scary to think that we may have
blamed Him. But I believe that all of us have judged Him in some way.
It is important to recognize that for us to have judged another does not
mean that person actually wronged us. What is important is that we
perceive that he or she has wronged us. For instance, we may feel
that an individual has rejected us, and we may have become angry and
judged him. Then we may find out later that the person did not reject
us at all. Even though he didn’t actually wrong us, we still need to
forgive him and be forgiven. Discovering that the person had not
actually rejected us will not remove the bitter root that we planted.
The discovery that he did not actually reject us may make it easier to
forgive, but it does not remove the bitter root that was planted when
we judged them. Though we wrongly perceived the rejection, a legal
transaction still occurred in the spiritual realm, and that sin needs to be
paid for by Jesus, or we will surely experience the bad fruit from the
bitter root.
This is the way it is with God. He did not do anything wrong, but when
we judged Him, we thought He did. For instance, if as a child we
were abused, it is very likely that when the abuse was happening we
judged God for not protecting us. Though we may not be consciously
aware of this judgment, we will reap from this bitter root until we
forgive Him.
Importance Of Forgiving Yourself
It may also seem strange to recognize that you have judged yourself.
How is that possible? In addition, forgiving and asking for forgiveness
for judging yourself may seem very unusual and unnatural. But Paul
said that God is the only one who has a right to judge you. You do not
have this right. I will explore this issue in more detail in Chapter 9,
"There Is Buried Treasure." Here I simply want to point out that your
relationship with yourself is very important. You need to repair it
where it is damaged, and you need to live with yourself in a new and
loving way.
Self-Judgment Is Very Common - And
Destructive
I have counseled people who have been working on their Inner
Healing for years and who have forgiven every person imaginable, and
yet they were still suffering great emotional pain. I have found that the
key for these people is that they had judged themselves and have not
forgiven and been forgiven.
In fact, all the people I have ever counseled have judged themselves to
some degree! I was a bit astounded when I first realized this, because
none of those who taught me about prayer counseling had said
anything about this (though I have since found confirmation of my
realization from other writers). Self-judgment is often under-
emphasized in Inner Healing.
Remember the example in the prior chapter where I cut my finger when
I was cutting up carrots. When I would say to myself, "You dummy,
why weren't you paying more attention to what you were doing?"That
was a self-judgment. I used to judge myself in that way very frequently.
Many of us do this sort of thing to ourselves regularly. You need to
realize this self judging is very destructive.
First recognizing that we have judged ourselves, and then
walking out the healing of it is one of the biggest keys to
Inner Healing.
We All Talk To Ourselves
When people say, "Ed, this is really weird, speaking to myself and
asking myself to forgive me." To this statement I simply respond,
"When you cut yourself instead of the carrot and said, 'You dummy',
who were you talking to?" Inevitably they say, "To myself." You see,
we all speak to ourselves regularly, but it is frequently harsh and
judgmental talk. The thing that feels weird about speaking to
ourselves in forgiveness is not that we are talking to ourselves, but
that we are saying nice things.
Elements For Accomplishing
Forgiveness
There are certain elements involved in walking through the process of
forgiving when we have judged:
1. Recognition: First, we need to recognize that we have judged
(sinned). Denial and fear can often interfere with our ability to see what
we have done.
2. Confession: Then we need to confess that we have sinned.
3. Repentance: This means to turn away from the sin. We need to
hate the sin and want to no longer walk in that way.
4. Forgiveness: We need to make a decision to forgive, and then
forgive from our heart.
5. Accept forgiveness from God. Sometimes another person needs
to verbalize to us that God has forgiven us before we are able to
accept this fact.
6. Ask the Lord to fill that place in our heart with His presence. We
need Him to take up residence in that place that had previously
contained bitterness, judgment, and blame.
7. Ask the Lord to bless the other person. If we find this difficult to
do, then it is likely that forgiveness has not been fully accomplished.
8. Restitution: Sometimes we need to do something extra for the
other person, to walk an extra mile. Our relationship with the Lord has
already been restored through prayer, but in some situations we need
to do something for the other person in order to restore our
relationship with them This is the purpose of restitution.
How To Pray
Forgiveness must come from the heart to be effectual:
Jesus always looks on the heart, not the behavior, and we can't fool
Him. Therefore,
It is always important that we forgive from our heart as the
living Lord leads, rather than recite a rote prayer as though it
were a magical formula.
You Need To Speak Forgiveness
Please be aware of the important position that words have in our
prayers of forgiveness. For some reason, God set up the universe in
such a way that words have power. Then God said, "Let there be
light," and there was light (Genesis 1:3). The words that I speak bring
my thoughts into reality. Once they are spoken, it is as though a legal
contract has been signed, or a legal event has happened, in the
spiritual realm. The words can be "bad" and bring about difficulty (for
example judging), or they can be "good" and bring about life (for
example blessing someone). Though the Bible doesn't explain to us
why words have power, it does make the fact abundantly clear, that
they do have great power.
How To Forgive God And Yourself
Accomplishing forgiveness of God and of yourself is very similar to
forgiving others who are close to us. In the case of close, important
relationships, we not only want to stop the reaping from our Bitter
Root Judgment, we also want to restore the relationship. If we have
judged a close person, this attitude has probably affected our behavior
towards them. If they are sensitive people, our new behavior has hurt
them, and we need to take responsibility for our behavior and ask
them to forgive us.
For example, imagine that your best friend completely forgets about
your birthday. You are hurt by this, and you begin to withdraw from
the relationship. Your friend can tell that you are angry, but doesn't
know why. When you realize that you have judged him (or her), you
need to pray as mentioned previously ("Elements Involved In
Accomplishing Forgiveness"). This takes care of the spiritual aspect
of the problem, but now you need to restore your relationship with him.
You need to go to your friend, confess that you have judged him, and
have allowed your bitterness to affect how you have treated him. Then
you ask him to forgive you for withdrawing, and your friendship is
restored.
In a similar way, when you have judged God or yourself, you likewise
need to resolve:
as well as
After all, these are the two most important relationships you have, and
judgments interfere with these intimate relationships. You need these
relationships to be loving, open, and intimate, or life will not go well.
For example, suppose you judge yourself when you cut yourself
instead of the carrot, as in the prior example. When you realize you
have done this, you confess this to the Lord, forgive yourself and are
forgiven by God. Then you need to restore your relationship with
yourself by speaking to yourself, confessing what you have done, and
asking forgiveness. You say exactly the same things you would say to
your close friend when he or she forgot your birthday.
Forgiving Is Miraculous
My "Dog Story"
I am a jogger, and I live on the side of a mountain. In the winter it is
icy, and I can't run here; because I will fall and break something.
Therefore I drive 4 miles to town. There is a street that is about 1 1/2
miles out and 1 1/2 miles back that is plowed and sanded and does not
have much traffic. That is my running track in the winter.
One day a few years ago I was almost at the far end of the run
when two mid-sized dogs ran out after me. I have learned that you
don't run from dogs, so I turned on them and I shouted,
"Hey, you get back there."
They skidded to a stop. The owner was a woman who was
standing on the sidewalk.
She said, "Hey, don't talk to my dogs like that."
I said, "Lady, you have to be kidding me. We are in town, there is a
leash law here. Your dogs shouldn't be here in the street."
She called her dogs and went inside.
As I continued my run, I was very upset.
I thought, "This is the only convenient place I have to run, and I'm
not going to let them spoil that. What will I do about it? I know what. I
have a foot long steel bar in my garage. I'll carry that. Then when they
come out, I'll take care of them."
Then I thought again. It wasn't really the dogs' fault, and I'd
probably get in trouble if I hurt them. Then what can I do instead?
"I know what I'll do," I thought. "I'll carry my cell phone. Then
when they come out after me, I'll grab one of them by the collar and call
the dog warden. Then she'll get a ticket, and that should fix her."
I finished my run, drove home, took a shower, and went to my
office. As I sat down, I was still chewing over this situation. As I
grumbled over it, I got the distinct impression that the Lord was
tapping me on the shoulder. I knew what He wanted: He wanted me to
forgive the woman. I didn't want to forgive her, and argued with the
Lord.
"But she was so thoughtless. She had no right to let her dogs
loose, etc, etc, etc."
Eventually I knew it was a losing battle, so I agreed to forgive her,
thought I still didn't want to. I realized I wasn't angry at the dogs. I was
angry at the owner.
As I prayed, gradually I calmed down. I forgave her, asked the Lord
to forgive me for judging her. I asked Him to take out the bitter root I
had just planted, to cleanse that place, and to fill it with His presence.
I began to recognize that she had a permanent scowl on her face;
and a healthy person would have said something like,
"I'm sorry, sir. Are you alright? Did they scare you?"
I realized that she was a wounded and unhappy person, and I
began to pray for her. I suspected that she might not know the Lord,
and began to pray for her salvation.
Suddenly it was as though I was struck by lightning: I realized that
I was seeing her the way the Lord sees her. I wasn't praying for her
because it was the "Christian thing to do." I was praying for her
because I saw her pain and neediness.
Before I prayed, I was on the throne. She had no right to act like
that. I was the judge, she was wrong, I was right, and I was going to
make her pay.
Now I saw her as Christ sees her. I saw her neediness and
wounding.
A miracle had occurred.
Before I prayed, I was a bit nuts. I was on the throne, she was
wrong, and I was sure I was right. I was in the mind of the "flesh."
After I prayed, I had the mind of Christ. Jesus in me (in that place
where I had just invited Him to enter) was producing "good fruit." I
was thinking the way He was, and I was acting the way He would act.
When we forgive, a miracle occurs. It is not something we can
accomplish on our own. We can repress our anger, or try to be nice;
but we can't change what is inside us. Only the blood of Jesus can
accomplish it. And it does!
Summary
Forgiving (and being forgiven by God) is the key to accessing God’s
provision for taking away our sin.
It is the only door to freedom.
It is the only means available for stopping the bad fruit in our lives – for
us to stop doing the things that we hate. God made this provision, and
it is of central importance that we understand what
forgiveness is and how to accomplish it so that we can then apply this
God-ordained provision for healing. Jesus came to set us free:
Now that you understand that it is your forgiving others and
being forgiven by the Lord that will set you free from the bad
fruit in your life, it is important that you understand that you
are not a bad child who has been caught with your hand in
the cookie jar. That is not God's attitude at all. Jesus not
only provided forgiveness for your sins, He is eager to do
just that. In fact, He will lead you down the path to freedom.
The next chapter tells you about his attitude towards you.
The Book In Print
If what you have been reading on this website has been helpful to you,
you should get the rest of the story.
Only about half of the contents of the book are posted on the website.
To receive the rest of the tools you need to complete your journey to
freedom and rest, you should buy the print copy of the book. Don't
stop halfway.
It will be one of the best investments of $21 you have ever made. And
you can return it for a full refund if it doesn't measure up to your
expectations.
Click here to buy the book.
You can also buy a copy at any time by clicking on the "Buy Books"
link on the left of each web page.
We want everyone to experience the freedom Jesus
promised!
If you can not afford to buy a copy, e-mail us your situation and we will
consider sending you a free copy.
Consider Making A Donation
We believe that all Christians desperately need the message of Christ's
healing ways.
If what I have written has blessed you, please consider making a
donation to support this ministry.
One of our areas of need is to support our postings on Yahoo and
Google. It is through these ads, which we have to pay for, that many of
you find us. Currently the cost of these ads significantly exceeds the
book revenue that is generated. Your donations would help us
continue these ads, and to reach more people.
A second area of need is providing books for free for those who
can not afford them. Many people in great need of healing also have
financial problems because of their wounds.
You can make a donation by clicking here.
Copyright 2003 by Edward Kurath
Forgiving Ends These Problems
Jesus Can Set You Free
Forgiveness Is Essential
We have seen that "judging" is what plants the bitter roots in our heart
that causes us to have bad fruit in our lives. This is a serious
condition, and we need a way to be set free from the influence of these
bitter roots. Forgiving and being forgiven by God is the cure. It is the
only way that the bitter root is pulled out and replaced by a good root,
which is the presence of Jesus in us.
God has told us a great deal about why forgiveness is essential.
- 1. Forgiveness is important because God said so. Jesus is
the only Judge of the universe. When we judge, we attempt to
take His place. God is not happy about this.
2. Forgiveness is important for us. When we judge another,
we sin and this plants a bitter root in our heart. This bitter root
will produce bad fruit. There is only one cure for this, and that is
the blood of Jesus. He shed His blood to take away our sins.
How Forgiving Sets Us Free
We need His blood to wash away this sin of judging so we don’t have
to reap the resulting consequences that come about from the
operation of God's laws. The only way to accomplish this is to forgive
(from our heart) the one who wounded us, and then to be forgiven by
Jesus. When He forgives us, He pays the debt we owe in the spiritual
realm, and we are set free from the consequences we would otherwise
have to pay for our debt.
When we forgive, Jesus comes into that place inside us and displaces
the bitterness. Then we become like Him in that area. Therefore,
forgiveness is the only way we can be changed into the image of
Jesus.
If We Don't Forgive . . .
If we don’t forgive (from our heart), we won’t be forgiven by God
(though this sin will not send us to hell). If we are not forgiven by God,
we will continue to do the things we hate (we will continue to
experience the reaping from the operation of God’s laws, of
experiencing bad fruit from a bad root).
There simply is no other way to be set free.
It Is A Miracle!
Stopping the reaping from our judging takes a miracle. "It means that
free, ethical obedience can have its origin only in miracle, quite in
keeping with the view that from the fetters of flesh and sin man must
be freed to obedience by the deed of God."
We need a legal transaction to take place in the spiritual realm if we are
to be like Jesus. Once the bitter root has been removed, and Jesus
has moved into that place in our heart, good fruit begins to grow.
What Does It Mean To Forgive?
There are two common obstacles that often make it difficult for us to
forgive. The first obstacle is that we misunderstand what God meant
by "forgive." "Forgive" is a word that is so common among Christians
that we think we know what it means. However, most of us were
taught what this word means by the world around us, and so the
meaning we have attached to it may not be the same as what God is
referring to when He tells us to forgive.
An Obstacle To Forgiving:
Sometimes this misunderstanding gets in the way of our being able to
forgive others in the process of our healing.
For instance, many of us have heard something like, “Forgive and
forget." We try to do that, and we find we can’t forget what the person
did to us. Then we think we haven’t forgiven. Or perhaps somebody
has hurt us, and we may believe that forgiving means we need to again
make ourselves vulnerable to that person. Then something inside us
resists forgiving, because we are sure the person will wound us
again. Then we find it difficult to forgive.
God Wants To Bless You
However, God loves you and He will not ask you to do something that
is not good for you, or is dangerous or destructive to you. Once you
understand what God meant when He told you to forgive, you will find
it much easier to forgive from your heart. Your misunderstanding of
what it means to forgive may have been keeping you in bondage.
What Forgiveness Is NOT
Forgiveness is not the following:
- 1. It is not saying the person did not transgress or hurt us,
when he or she in fact did.
2. It is not relieving the other person of their responsibility,
such as making excuses for their actions. For example, “My
parents couldn’t help it," or “They did the best they could," or “I’d
have done the same thing if I had been in their shoes.”
3. It is not forgetting what the other person did. We can’t
forget, but the hurt can be removed from the memory, and we can
be forgiven for our judging.
4. It is not trusting the other person again when he or she is
still unsafe – becoming vulnerable to the person again may not
be wise.
5. It is not a “feeling." Rather, forgiving is a decision.
However, when forgiveness has been accomplished we will feel
differently about the other person whenever we think of them.
6. It is not saying or pretending we weren’t hurt and/or that we
weren’t angry; or ignoring the hurt feeling because we aren’t
supposed to be angry. Rather, we need to process our feelings,
not suppress them.
What Forgiveness IS
Forgiveness is deciding not to hold the other person in debt.
Unforgiveness says, “You unjustly hurt me, and you owe me a debt. I
will make you pay.” Forgiveness says, “Even though you hurt me and
owe me a debt, I am writing it off. You owe me nothing. It is not my
place to make you pay, and I release you to the judgment of Jesus. He
is the just Judge, and He will rightly decide the case. If there is any
penalty, He will collect it.” Forgiveness does not say, “Go get 'em,
God. You make him pay.” Such a statement clearly reveals bitterness
still lodged in the heart.
A Second Obstacle To Forgiving
In addition to misunderstanding what forgiveness really is, there may
be a second obstacle to forgiving. We may fear that if we give up our
resentment we won't be protected. We may believe that a wall of
resentment will protect us. This is, of course, a lie. Holding the
resentment causes us to suffer.
As I will discuss in a later chapter (Chapter 8 about honoring parents),
we perceive God in the same way that we perceive our parents. If they
were protecting and nurturing, it will be easy for us to see God in this
way. However, if they were neglectful, or unloving, or mean, or
abusive, there will be a deep sense in us that all authorities are this
way, including God. When our parents were this way, we had to look
out for ourselves and be our own protector. Later in life we will then
struggle with trusting God to be our protector. But in reality, He is the
only one who can protect us.
We Are The Ones Who Suffer
If we do not forgive, we are the ones who suffer. God is a just judge,
which means that no one ever gets away with anything, ever,
anywhere. Not everyone believes this, but it is true. The law of God is
inescapable, and whatever we sow, we will surely reap,
- "Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man
sows, that he will also reap" (Galatians 6:7).
Because forgiving is so important, we need to remove every
obstacle that prevents us from accomplishing it, and we
need to be diligent in accomplishing it.
Remove Bitter Roots Immediately!
Bitter roots are easier to eradicate if we remove them soon after they
are planted. The longer they are allowed to grow, the larger the root
system becomes and the more difficult they are to pull out. Gardeners
understand this. When a weed first comes up in a garden, it is small
and frail. It can be plucked out easily.
However, if one neglects the garden for some time, pulling the weeds
is a big job. The roots of the weeds have then become large and
entrenched, and sometimes a large hole has to be dug in order to
remove them. Healing is easier if you remove a bitter root as soon as it
is planted.
Unforgiven Judgments Accumulate
Another thing happens if we neglect to keep up with our "weeding." If
we allow the sins to pile up, eventually they become too obvious to
ignore. People who have lived in the country know what a septic tank
is. It is a big cement tank buried under ground into which the
wastewater from a house runs. There the waste goes through a
natural process of cleansing, but some types of waste stays in the
tank and gradually fills it up. Periodically it needs to be pumped out, or
it overflows and makes a smelly mess. Our hearts are a bit like septic
tanks. If we don't keep our own pumped out, it eventually fills up with
junk, overflows and makes a mess. It is therefore important that we
pump ours out every time some waste enters it.
In other words, we need to forgive every time we judge so that our own
"septic tank" (our heart) stays clean.
Who Do We Need To Forgive?
There are probably many people we need to forgive. Psychotherapy
and Christian counseling have both tended to focus on relationships
with our parents and our siblings. Without a doubt these relationships
were impactful, and the roots of bitterness resulting from being
wounded by them cause major problems for us.
However, the deepest hurts, the greatest emotional pain, and the most
devastating fruit comes from judging God and judging ourselves.
Yet it may seem strange and new to be walking through forgiveness of
God and of ourselves.
Importance Of Forgiving God
Somehow it seems weird to forgive God, because He did not do
anything wrong! And perhaps it is scary to think that we may have
blamed Him. But I believe that all of us have judged Him in some way.
It is important to recognize that for us to have judged another does not
mean that person actually wronged us. What is important is that we
perceive that he or she has wronged us. For instance, we may feel
that an individual has rejected us, and we may have become angry and
judged him. Then we may find out later that the person did not reject
us at all. Even though he didn’t actually wrong us, we still need to
forgive him and be forgiven. Discovering that the person had not
actually rejected us will not remove the bitter root that we planted.
The discovery that he did not actually reject us may make it easier to
forgive, but it does not remove the bitter root that was planted when
we judged them. Though we wrongly perceived the rejection, a legal
transaction still occurred in the spiritual realm, and that sin needs to be
paid for by Jesus, or we will surely experience the bad fruit from the
bitter root.
This is the way it is with God. He did not do anything wrong, but when
we judged Him, we thought He did. For instance, if as a child we
were abused, it is very likely that when the abuse was happening we
judged God for not protecting us. Though we may not be consciously
aware of this judgment, we will reap from this bitter root until we
forgive Him.
Importance Of Forgiving Yourself
It may also seem strange to recognize that you have judged yourself.
How is that possible? In addition, forgiving and asking for forgiveness
for judging yourself may seem very unusual and unnatural. But Paul
said that God is the only one who has a right to judge you. You do not
have this right. I will explore this issue in more detail in Chapter 9,
"There Is Buried Treasure." Here I simply want to point out that your
relationship with yourself is very important. You need to repair it
where it is damaged, and you need to live with yourself in a new and
loving way.
Self-Judgment Is Very Common - And
Destructive
I have counseled people who have been working on their Inner
Healing for years and who have forgiven every person imaginable, and
yet they were still suffering great emotional pain. I have found that the
key for these people is that they had judged themselves and have not
forgiven and been forgiven.
In fact, all the people I have ever counseled have judged themselves to
some degree! I was a bit astounded when I first realized this, because
none of those who taught me about prayer counseling had said
anything about this (though I have since found confirmation of my
realization from other writers). Self-judgment is often under-
emphasized in Inner Healing.
Remember the example in the prior chapter where I cut my finger when
I was cutting up carrots. When I would say to myself, "You dummy,
why weren't you paying more attention to what you were doing?"That
was a self-judgment. I used to judge myself in that way very frequently.
Many of us do this sort of thing to ourselves regularly. You need to
realize this self judging is very destructive.
First recognizing that we have judged ourselves, and then
walking out the healing of it is one of the biggest keys to
Inner Healing.
We All Talk To Ourselves
When people say, "Ed, this is really weird, speaking to myself and
asking myself to forgive me." To this statement I simply respond,
"When you cut yourself instead of the carrot and said, 'You dummy',
who were you talking to?" Inevitably they say, "To myself." You see,
we all speak to ourselves regularly, but it is frequently harsh and
judgmental talk. The thing that feels weird about speaking to
ourselves in forgiveness is not that we are talking to ourselves, but
that we are saying nice things.
Elements For Accomplishing
Forgiveness
There are certain elements involved in walking through the process of
forgiving when we have judged:
1. Recognition: First, we need to recognize that we have judged
(sinned). Denial and fear can often interfere with our ability to see what
we have done.
2. Confession: Then we need to confess that we have sinned.
3. Repentance: This means to turn away from the sin. We need to
hate the sin and want to no longer walk in that way.
4. Forgiveness: We need to make a decision to forgive, and then
forgive from our heart.
5. Accept forgiveness from God. Sometimes another person needs
to verbalize to us that God has forgiven us before we are able to
accept this fact.
6. Ask the Lord to fill that place in our heart with His presence. We
need Him to take up residence in that place that had previously
contained bitterness, judgment, and blame.
7. Ask the Lord to bless the other person. If we find this difficult to
do, then it is likely that forgiveness has not been fully accomplished.
8. Restitution: Sometimes we need to do something extra for the
other person, to walk an extra mile. Our relationship with the Lord has
already been restored through prayer, but in some situations we need
to do something for the other person in order to restore our
relationship with them This is the purpose of restitution.
- In the case of close relationships, when you judge you have two
things to do:
1. Resolve the problem in the spiritual realm.
2. Restore the relationship with them.
How To Pray
Forgiveness must come from the heart to be effectual:
- "So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from
his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses" (Matthew
18:35).
Jesus always looks on the heart, not the behavior, and we can't fool
Him. Therefore,
It is always important that we forgive from our heart as the
living Lord leads, rather than recite a rote prayer as though it
were a magical formula.
You Need To Speak Forgiveness
Please be aware of the important position that words have in our
prayers of forgiveness. For some reason, God set up the universe in
such a way that words have power. Then God said, "Let there be
light," and there was light (Genesis 1:3). The words that I speak bring
my thoughts into reality. Once they are spoken, it is as though a legal
contract has been signed, or a legal event has happened, in the
spiritual realm. The words can be "bad" and bring about difficulty (for
example judging), or they can be "good" and bring about life (for
example blessing someone). Though the Bible doesn't explain to us
why words have power, it does make the fact abundantly clear, that
they do have great power.
How To Forgive God And Yourself
Accomplishing forgiveness of God and of yourself is very similar to
forgiving others who are close to us. In the case of close, important
relationships, we not only want to stop the reaping from our Bitter
Root Judgment, we also want to restore the relationship. If we have
judged a close person, this attitude has probably affected our behavior
towards them. If they are sensitive people, our new behavior has hurt
them, and we need to take responsibility for our behavior and ask
them to forgive us.
For example, imagine that your best friend completely forgets about
your birthday. You are hurt by this, and you begin to withdraw from
the relationship. Your friend can tell that you are angry, but doesn't
know why. When you realize that you have judged him (or her), you
need to pray as mentioned previously ("Elements Involved In
Accomplishing Forgiveness"). This takes care of the spiritual aspect
of the problem, but now you need to restore your relationship with him.
You need to go to your friend, confess that you have judged him, and
have allowed your bitterness to affect how you have treated him. Then
you ask him to forgive you for withdrawing, and your friendship is
restored.
In a similar way, when you have judged God or yourself, you likewise
need to resolve:
- The problem in the spiritual realm
as well as
- The problem in the relationship.
After all, these are the two most important relationships you have, and
judgments interfere with these intimate relationships. You need these
relationships to be loving, open, and intimate, or life will not go well.
For example, suppose you judge yourself when you cut yourself
instead of the carrot, as in the prior example. When you realize you
have done this, you confess this to the Lord, forgive yourself and are
forgiven by God. Then you need to restore your relationship with
yourself by speaking to yourself, confessing what you have done, and
asking forgiveness. You say exactly the same things you would say to
your close friend when he or she forgot your birthday.
Forgiving Is Miraculous
My "Dog Story"
I am a jogger, and I live on the side of a mountain. In the winter it is
icy, and I can't run here; because I will fall and break something.
Therefore I drive 4 miles to town. There is a street that is about 1 1/2
miles out and 1 1/2 miles back that is plowed and sanded and does not
have much traffic. That is my running track in the winter.
One day a few years ago I was almost at the far end of the run
when two mid-sized dogs ran out after me. I have learned that you
don't run from dogs, so I turned on them and I shouted,
"Hey, you get back there."
They skidded to a stop. The owner was a woman who was
standing on the sidewalk.
She said, "Hey, don't talk to my dogs like that."
I said, "Lady, you have to be kidding me. We are in town, there is a
leash law here. Your dogs shouldn't be here in the street."
She called her dogs and went inside.
As I continued my run, I was very upset.
I thought, "This is the only convenient place I have to run, and I'm
not going to let them spoil that. What will I do about it? I know what. I
have a foot long steel bar in my garage. I'll carry that. Then when they
come out, I'll take care of them."
Then I thought again. It wasn't really the dogs' fault, and I'd
probably get in trouble if I hurt them. Then what can I do instead?
"I know what I'll do," I thought. "I'll carry my cell phone. Then
when they come out after me, I'll grab one of them by the collar and call
the dog warden. Then she'll get a ticket, and that should fix her."
I finished my run, drove home, took a shower, and went to my
office. As I sat down, I was still chewing over this situation. As I
grumbled over it, I got the distinct impression that the Lord was
tapping me on the shoulder. I knew what He wanted: He wanted me to
forgive the woman. I didn't want to forgive her, and argued with the
Lord.
"But she was so thoughtless. She had no right to let her dogs
loose, etc, etc, etc."
Eventually I knew it was a losing battle, so I agreed to forgive her,
thought I still didn't want to. I realized I wasn't angry at the dogs. I was
angry at the owner.
As I prayed, gradually I calmed down. I forgave her, asked the Lord
to forgive me for judging her. I asked Him to take out the bitter root I
had just planted, to cleanse that place, and to fill it with His presence.
I began to recognize that she had a permanent scowl on her face;
and a healthy person would have said something like,
"I'm sorry, sir. Are you alright? Did they scare you?"
I realized that she was a wounded and unhappy person, and I
began to pray for her. I suspected that she might not know the Lord,
and began to pray for her salvation.
Suddenly it was as though I was struck by lightning: I realized that
I was seeing her the way the Lord sees her. I wasn't praying for her
because it was the "Christian thing to do." I was praying for her
because I saw her pain and neediness.
Before I prayed, I was on the throne. She had no right to act like
that. I was the judge, she was wrong, I was right, and I was going to
make her pay.
Now I saw her as Christ sees her. I saw her neediness and
wounding.
A miracle had occurred.
Before I prayed, I was a bit nuts. I was on the throne, she was
wrong, and I was sure I was right. I was in the mind of the "flesh."
After I prayed, I had the mind of Christ. Jesus in me (in that place
where I had just invited Him to enter) was producing "good fruit." I
was thinking the way He was, and I was acting the way He would act.
When we forgive, a miracle occurs. It is not something we can
accomplish on our own. We can repress our anger, or try to be nice;
but we can't change what is inside us. Only the blood of Jesus can
accomplish it. And it does!
Summary
Forgiving (and being forgiven by God) is the key to accessing God’s
provision for taking away our sin.
It is the only door to freedom.
It is the only means available for stopping the bad fruit in our lives – for
us to stop doing the things that we hate. God made this provision, and
it is of central importance that we understand what
forgiveness is and how to accomplish it so that we can then apply this
God-ordained provision for healing. Jesus came to set us free:
- "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me
to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me too heal the
brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and
recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are
bruised, to preach the acceptable year of the Lord" (Luke 4:18-19,
KJV).
Now that you understand that it is your forgiving others and
being forgiven by the Lord that will set you free from the bad
fruit in your life, it is important that you understand that you
are not a bad child who has been caught with your hand in
the cookie jar. That is not God's attitude at all. Jesus not
only provided forgiveness for your sins, He is eager to do
just that. In fact, He will lead you down the path to freedom.
The next chapter tells you about his attitude towards you.
The Book In Print
If what you have been reading on this website has been helpful to you,
you should get the rest of the story.
Only about half of the contents of the book are posted on the website.
To receive the rest of the tools you need to complete your journey to
freedom and rest, you should buy the print copy of the book. Don't
stop halfway.
It will be one of the best investments of $21 you have ever made. And
you can return it for a full refund if it doesn't measure up to your
expectations.
Click here to buy the book.
You can also buy a copy at any time by clicking on the "Buy Books"
link on the left of each web page.
We want everyone to experience the freedom Jesus
promised!
If you can not afford to buy a copy, e-mail us your situation and we will
consider sending you a free copy.
Consider Making A Donation
We believe that all Christians desperately need the message of Christ's
healing ways.
If what I have written has blessed you, please consider making a
donation to support this ministry.
One of our areas of need is to support our postings on Yahoo and
Google. It is through these ads, which we have to pay for, that many of
you find us. Currently the cost of these ads significantly exceeds the
book revenue that is generated. Your donations would help us
continue these ads, and to reach more people.
A second area of need is providing books for free for those who
can not afford them. Many people in great need of healing also have
financial problems because of their wounds.
You can make a donation by clicking here.
Copyright 2003 by Edward Kurath
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
Click here to go to the next chapter. |