Chapter 11
Anxiety and Emotions
(taken from the book "I Will Give You Rest" by Edward Kurath)
Panic attacks and severe anxiety are without a doubt some of
the most tormenting and painful emotions a person can
experience. They are so overwhelming because they are signals
telling you that there is a major wound inside you that needs
healing.
The difficulty usually is that you have no idea what that wound
could be. You may not even be aware that anything traumatic
has happened to you in the past.
But rest assured that the awful feelings are telling you
the truth.
Contrary to what many believe, emotions are not random or
meaningless. They are a God given signal system that tells us
exactly what is going on inside us. Our problem is that nobody
taught us how to understand the language of the signal system.
My parents didn't have a clue about emotions. Their way of
handling them was to avoid them as much as possible. To them
emotions were considered to be intrusive and bothersome, and
the way to "handle" them was to try to ignore them.
Consequently, I have had to learn the "language" of my
emotions as an adult.
A special note: Since I have taken you directly to
Chapter 11 of my book, "I Will Give You Rest,"
bypassing Chapters 2 through 10, in this chapter you
may encounter some concepts or terms that were
discussed in the prior chapters. However, this should
not inhibit the following information from being
meaningful to you.
How We Cope
We all have developed ways of dealing with our negative
emotions by trial and error. We try something and it brings a bit
of relief, so we add that to our repertoire as a way to deal with
such unpleasant moments in the future.
Still, for most of us our emotions are a bit mysterious, and we
don't know what to do with them. Likely we have only been
modestly successful in dealing with them.
One Way Is To Ignore Them
As a child I learned to avoid my negative emotions if at all
possible. My experience is not unusual, because our culture
(and unfortunately some of the church) say that our emotions
are unreliable. Regardless of how we try to ignore them, they
persist. They come and go in a seemingly mysterious way, in a
way that we do not find ourselves able to adequately control.
Negative emotions are a "problem" we all share.
What Are Emotions?
Are emotions simply random? Are they unpredictable? Did God
make a mistake when He gave them to us? Or were they useful
before Adam and Eve sinned but are now corrupted by The
Fall? Are some of them “bad?" Is it a sin to feel selfish? Is it a
sin to feel jealous? Is it a sin to feel angry?
I have a burglar alarm in my home. On a couple of occasions I
have accidentally set if off, and the sound the loud speaker made
was ear splitting. The pain was unbearable. I had to do
something right away to escape the pain. So I plugged my ears
with my fingers and went to the keypad and entered the code.
Then the alarm immediately stopped, so the pain stopped.
Ways To Stop The Pain
But what would I do if I did not know the "code?" My fingers in
my ears were only mildly successful in reducing the pain, so I
would have to do something else. I could leave and wait outside
until the noise stopped (and the police came). Or I could find the
loudspeaker and cover it over with something. That would likely
not work any better than covering my ears. Better yet, I could cut
the wire to the loud speaker. That would stop the noise.
The purpose of the alarm was to make known an intrusion into
my house. If the alarm had been set off by a burglar instead of by
me, that would be important information. If a burglar entered and
I did not have an alarm, something really bad might happen.
The Pain Has A Purpose
The burglar alarm was purposely designed to be impossible to
ignore, because it is important that the "intrusion" stop. The
neighbors and the police need to be alerted, and the intruder
needs to know they have been discovered so they will stop
doing their dirty work.
Our negative emotions are like that. Some of our emotions are
“ear-splittingly” hurtful, because they are giving us very
important information that we must not ignore.
When your panic or anxiety makes you feel like you are dying,
that feeling is a meant to be a message that you can't bury or
refuse to listen to. The feeling is a lot more like a broken leg than
a splinter.
Fortunately not all our negative emotions are that severe. God
designed them to be proportional to the bad news they are
giving us.
Pleasant Emotions
You also have pleasant emotions which were given to you so
that you would be attracted to whatever is making you feel
good. What makes you feel good are the things that fulfill the
many needs you have, such as the need for love, affirmation,
sex, etc.
"Feelings" and "Emotions"
We receive various signals from inside us. Some of these
signals relate to the physical status of our body, and some of
them relate to our psychological/spiritual status.
When I use the term "feelings," I am including both categories.
When I use the term "physical sensations" I am referring to the
physical signals, and when I use the term "emotions" I am
referring to the psychological/spiritual signals.
"Emotions" can be telling us about unmet psychological needs
("I need a hug"), or the presence of a wound inside.
"Physical sensations" and "emotions have a great deal in
common, and the purpose of all of our "feelings" is to make us
consciously aware of something that is going on below our level
of consciousness. Most of us do not have difficulty
understanding our "physical sensations (for instance I am
thirsty, or my feet hurt), but our problems tend to relate to
misunderstanding our "emotions."
Because of the similarities between "physical sensations" and
"emotions," I will often use parallels between them to clarify a
point I am making about "emotions."
Feelings Are Indispensible
If God had not given your "feelings" to you, you would not have
any way of knowing the status of what is going on inside of you.
You would not know what your needs are, and so you would
have no way of fulfilling them. If you did not feel thirst, you
would not drink something, and then you would die.
Our Attempts At Bringing Peace
As a child I knew what to do when I had a physical need. When I
was thirsty, I got a drink. However, I didn't now the “code” to
turn off the emotional pain. When strong negative emotions
came to me I had to find a way to reduce the pain. It was as if I
started out by "plugging my ears" (I tried to ignore the
message).
Since that was only modestly helpful, I searched for a more
effective means. I could not "leave," because the noise was
inside me. So eventually I "cut the wire" (I made an Inner Vow
not to hear), and then the pain stopped.
Unfortunately, then the "intrusion" (the cause of the emotional
pain) had not been fixed, and so the "burglar" had not been dealt
with. Cutting the wire, or anything else I would do to reduce my
sensitivity to my negative emotions, had bad side effects. Not
hearing the alarm going off, I would not know when a "burglar"
came inside and was doing his destructive work.
An Illustration
"Physical Sensations," since they are messages from inside, can
illustrate the extreme consequences that can come from not
feeling physical pain.
When I was a boy I had a friend whose father had experienced a
stroke, and he had lost the feeling on one side of his body. One
day my friend and his father and I were standing in their
basement, and we smelled something burning.
It was his father’s hand! He was leaning against the furnace.
Since he could not feel the heat, he did not withdraw his hand,
and he was badly burned. The physical pain that I feel when I
touch something hot is my friend, because it motivates me to
stop the pain. I quickly remove my hand from the hot surface,
and thus I limit the damage to my body. Physical pain is my
friend.
Emotional Pain Is My Friend
My emotional pain is just like that. Bad things happen when I
can no longer clearly hear my negative emotions, because I have
cut myself off from them. Then, when something bad would
happen inside, I would not know about it. Using my metaphor,
because I do not know the "burglar" is there, he is free to do his
damaging work inside. I would not know about his presence
until there had been so much damage that I could no longer
ignore it.
Unmet Needs Accumulate
Tom had daily frustrations with his boss. His boss always talked
down to him and made him feel small. Tom had not had a raise
in years, and yet the boss would give him so much to do that he
would have to take work home at night.
But Tom did not know when he was angry, because he had cut
himself off from his feelings; and he did not feel these moments
of anger towards his boss. His heart was filling up with
bitterness, but he was not aware of it. After he would get home
from work, his wife would do some little thing that irritated him,
and he would explode with anger at her.
She did not just receive Tom's reaction to what she just did, but
she also received the entire load that had been building up
inside Tom towards his boss. It was like an avalanche. One
small disturbance was the trigger, and all the "snow" that had
accumulated came surging down in one deluge and buried her.
Ski areas understand avalanches. They know that if they can
keep the snow from accumulating on the mountain slopes above
them they can prevent an avalanche. So they regularly set off
small explosive charges in the snow to bring down small snow
slides that are harmless. In this way they prevent huge buildups
of snow that would inevitably come down in a devastating rush.
The reason your panic and anxiety is so huge is
probably because there is within you a backlog of
unhealed issues.
Don't Allow Them To Accumulate
In the same way, Tom needed to listen to, and learn to recognize,
every little surge of anger that he felt. Then he could pray about
it immediately and avoid the "accumulation" that would
otherwise eventually (and inevitably) come out as outbursts of
rage.
If there is not an "accumulation" inside him, when people irritate
him they only receive the reaction that relates to that single
transgression, not his pent up reactions to all the other
accumulated hurts inside him.
Panic attacks or severe anxiety are similar. There is an
accumulation of wounds that have built up and can no longer be
suppressed. Their combined strength is too much for our burial
system. The stronger our determination to keep them buried, the
more violent is the feeling once they manage to break through.
The "Code"
To appropriately end the turmoil of our negative emotions, we
need to know how God intended for us to eliminate the pain,
rather than to cover it up. He intended for us to eliminate the
pain by addressing the cause of the pain.
When we have a toothache, we can take a pain killer, or we can
have the tooth fixed. When the tooth is "fixed," the pain stops.
Eliminating Emotional Pain
There are therefore two things we need to know about
eliminating our emotional pain.
especially regarding the wounds inside us. But it is possible to
learn how to do both, and therefore, it is possible to eliminate the
cause of our emotional pain so that the pain will stop.
Understanding The Language Of
Our Emotions
God gave us our "emotions," and He intended for them to be
useful to us. It is therefore possible to learn this mysterious
language that comes up from inside us. In later chapters I will go
into more detail about learning this language, but here I want to
point out a few important characteristics of our "emotions."
Eliminating The Cause Of The Pain
Therefore, if there is a wound planted inside us, our negative
emotions are our friend telling us about this problem. What do
we do in response to the negative emotion (the "alarm" going
off)? We need to key in the "code."
This Way Works
This "code" works. When we apply the blood of Jesus to the
wound, the negative emotion stops. It stops because the wound
that the pain was warning us about has been healed. The
wound has been cleansed, and Jesus has come into that place
in our heart. The "burglar" is now gone. Jesus' provision truly
is Good News!
I teach about how to "apply the blood of Jesus" to each
wound in Chapters 2 through 5.
My Emotions Are My Guide
After I pray, if I still find myself to be anxious, especially if my
anxiety is extreme and is contaminating my day, I need to look
for a long buried root.
It Is Complicated,
And Yet Simple
The code to my home burglar alarm is simple, but this “code” to
end my negative emotions appropriately is complex. It is
complex because many of the old roots are deeply buried and I
have forgotten about them. I cannot remember many of them
myself. It is therefore too complex for me to understand.
But it is not too complicated for Jesus, and He will lead me in this
process of finding the wound and being healed.
I teach about God's commitment to your healing in
Chapter 6.
I may also need another person to walk through this with me,
such as a trusted friend, or a counselor.
I Need To Listen Inside
I also need to listen inside to the emotions that are telling me
about the wound.
Ideally, teaching me how to listen to my emotion and to then pray
was the job assigned to my parents. In my own childhood, my
parents were as ignorant about this as I, so there was no way for
them to teach me. In fact, they did the opposite of facilitating my
ability to hear what my emotions were telling me.
My parents (or other caretakers) wounded me and I built a wall
inside, which reduced my pain, but it also reduced my innate
ability to hear my emotions. Unfortunately, in many cases
parents are unable to mentor their children to listen to and to
understand their emotions.
Are “Bad” Emotions Sin?
Many of us have been taught that "bad" emotions are sin. For
instance we may have been taught that it is a sin to feel jealous.
However, it should now be clear to you that it is not a sin to feel
jealous. There is nothing wrong with that emotion, and so we do
not need to repent of feeling jealous. The emotion is simply the
message system. There is a sin present, but the sin is not the
feeling.
The Negative Emotion Guides Me
There is a wound buried inside us, and we need to know about
its presence.
We do then need to find out what the root is and be healed of
that. This may sound like hair splitting, but there is a profound
difference between the feeling and the root.
The wound exists, and the feeling is just the signal telling us
about the root. The signal is not sin, but rather it is just our
faithful messenger, our helper, and our friend.
Killing The Messenger
In ancient times, when a messenger brought bad news, the king
had the messenger killed. Of course, the problem wasn't the
messenger or the message he carried. The messenger was
simply a mechanism for informing the king of what was going on
elsewhere.
When something bad was happening elsewhere, the news was
bad. We now look at the king's response and see how ridiculous
that is. And yet that is exactly what we have done if we have
shut off our emotions because they are "bad."
Repressing Emotions Hurts Us
Repressing or trying to squash our emotions produces negative
consequences in our lives. We are the ones who suffer. When
we repress the negative emotions to keep from feeling the pain,
we miss out on the awareness that something inside needs
attention. That is what the negative emotions are trying to tell us.
If we continue to ignore them, there will be unfortunate
consequences. Whatever is wrong inside will eventually come
to the surface in some fashion, because the problem inside will
become too large to ignore.
Ulcers, insomnia, and uncontrolled outbursts of anger are
common examples of this, as are panic or anxiety attacks. When
we do not allow emotions to come "straight out" (listen to them
and resolve them) as God intended, they eventually come out
"sideways" and produce problems in our life.
Panic or Anxiety Will Not Go Away
If you try to run away from the feelings of anxiety, they will not
obey. They will continue to build and to grow, because you have
not dealt with the root problem inside us. Of course, the reason
you haven't "dealt" with the root problem is because you haven't
known how to do that; but that doesn't solve the problem.
The good news is that once you understand how to
follow the feeling to the root, and then you apply the
blood of Jesus to the root, you will have peace! Jesus
promised that.
Can You Rely On Your Emotions?
It may shock you to know that your emotions are always
100% accurate. Your emotions are not sometimes accurate, or
often accurate. They are always accurate - - - in one way. They
always tell you exactly what is going on inside you.
Because of old wounds and the reactions that are triggered by
their presence, our emotions may not be an accurate measure of
what is going on outside of us.
For instance, I might feel rejected by the host at a party, only to
find out later he liked me! My emotion was not an accurate
indicator of what was happening in my relationship with the host
at the party (what was happening outside me).
What Was Going On Inside Me
Nevertheless, the feeling was giving me very important
information about what was happening inside me. In this
situation, my emotion was saying I have an old root of bitterness
that was triggered when I felt rejected. I need to know this so
that I can find the old root of rejection and be healed.
Whenever my emotions are not appropriate to the
circumstances, this is an important clue that there is another
wound inside me that needs to be taken care of. In these
situations, if I blame others, or circumstances, or if I dismiss my
emotions as undesirable, I rob myself of the opportunity of
seeing that I have a wound inside me. Then I miss out on the
opportunity of being healed.
My emotion was my friend giving me important information about
what was going on inside me.
The Role Of Positive Emotions
God gave us both positive and negative emotions. So far we
have been focusing on the negative ones. Remember, He made
the negative ones unpleasant so we would avoid whatever was
causing them.
The positive ones are also useful. God made them pleasant so
we would approach whatever causes them. They signal the
receipt of something good for us. When children need to be
held, they hold up their hands so that their parent will pick them
up and fill the need. Once they have been filled with the touch of
the parent, they are ready to get down and again explore the
world.
Knowing What We Need
Since we are needy creatures, it is important that we have a way
of knowing what is good for us so we can seek it out and receive
it. Feeling both positive and negative emotions is therefore
meant to be our way of navigating through life.
Unfortunately, when we repress our negative feelings, we lose
the good ones too. The tragic thing about burying or smothering
negative feelings is that it doesn’t stop with them. The good,
positive ones get clobbered at the same time.
Be aware that subtle negative emotions also give you important
information. The walk of constantly listening to your negative
emotions should not be limited to "nuclear blasts." In fact, the
majority of negative emotions that you feel may be fairly mild.
For instance, you may be a bit irritated because your wife left the
top off the toothpaste tube, but you may not be so angry as to
start an argument.
The Small Emotions Count
Nevertheless, this emotion of irritation is still a signal that you
judged her, and so you need to pray. Otherwise these little bitter
roots will accumulate (a bundle of bitter roots will be forming in
your heart), and at some point you may explode at her over
something minor.
For most of us, these sorts of mild reactions happen many times
a day, and we therefore need to pray many times a day. If we do
this, we don't have to carry the burden of those sinful reactions;
because Jesus takes them. We then experience the rest that
Jesus promised.
A Strange Language
If you have not been listening to what your emotions are telling
you, their "language" will likely be strange to you.
Our parents were supposed to teach us how to understand this
language. If they didn't (and mine sure didn't, because they
didn't know it themselves), and if we have been running from our
emotions, we are probably not very adept at describing how we
feel.
Describing Feelings
Saying, "I feel like he doesn't listen to me" is not a feeling. It is a
conclusion. Saying "I feel unimportant," or "I feel lonely," are
descriptions of emotions.
We need to learn this language so that we can understand what
our emotions are telling us, and thus to benefit from the
information. I teach about this in detail in the full Chapter 11 of "I
Will Give You Rest."
Summary
Our "feelings" are special, wonderful gifts that God has given to
us so that we can know the conditions that exist inside us.
These messages are our helpers, and we need to listen to them.
Our "bad" emotions are not sin. They are simply the message
system God gave us to alert us to when all is not well inside us,
when something needs attention.
It is important for us to "leave no negative emotion unexamined,"
because our negative emotions always tell us accurately when
there is a wound hidden inside us.
The living God has provided the way to fix all these
things.
He also wants to walk with us through the guidance of our
emotions to show us what He wants to heal inside us.
Our positive emotions are also important. They are enjoyable
and fun, and they will also guide us into those things that
minister to us. Each of us is a unique person who finds
fulfillment in unique ways, and the positive emotions are the
signposts directing us to our fulfillment. In addition, these good
feelings are a reward for achieving healing of our wounds, and
obtaining fulfillment of our needs.
Where Does Panic or Anxiety
Come From?
In dealing with panic or intense anxiety, these are all important
questions.
Where To Go From Here?
Again, I would recommend that you read the book chapters out
of order. Chapter 9 will give you answers to these above
questions. If you are to gain permanent relief from your panic or
intense anxiety, you will need to understand the nature of the
wound, and where it is, so that you can be healed.
Get The Whole Story
My book "I Will Give You Rest" tells you everything you need to
know about how to appropriate the peace and rest Jesus
promised.
Anxiety and Emotions
(taken from the book "I Will Give You Rest" by Edward Kurath)
Panic attacks and severe anxiety are without a doubt some of
the most tormenting and painful emotions a person can
experience. They are so overwhelming because they are signals
telling you that there is a major wound inside you that needs
healing.
The difficulty usually is that you have no idea what that wound
could be. You may not even be aware that anything traumatic
has happened to you in the past.
But rest assured that the awful feelings are telling you
the truth.
Contrary to what many believe, emotions are not random or
meaningless. They are a God given signal system that tells us
exactly what is going on inside us. Our problem is that nobody
taught us how to understand the language of the signal system.
My parents didn't have a clue about emotions. Their way of
handling them was to avoid them as much as possible. To them
emotions were considered to be intrusive and bothersome, and
the way to "handle" them was to try to ignore them.
Consequently, I have had to learn the "language" of my
emotions as an adult.
A special note: Since I have taken you directly to
Chapter 11 of my book, "I Will Give You Rest,"
bypassing Chapters 2 through 10, in this chapter you
may encounter some concepts or terms that were
discussed in the prior chapters. However, this should
not inhibit the following information from being
meaningful to you.
How We Cope
We all have developed ways of dealing with our negative
emotions by trial and error. We try something and it brings a bit
of relief, so we add that to our repertoire as a way to deal with
such unpleasant moments in the future.
Still, for most of us our emotions are a bit mysterious, and we
don't know what to do with them. Likely we have only been
modestly successful in dealing with them.
One Way Is To Ignore Them
As a child I learned to avoid my negative emotions if at all
possible. My experience is not unusual, because our culture
(and unfortunately some of the church) say that our emotions
are unreliable. Regardless of how we try to ignore them, they
persist. They come and go in a seemingly mysterious way, in a
way that we do not find ourselves able to adequately control.
Negative emotions are a "problem" we all share.
What Are Emotions?
Are emotions simply random? Are they unpredictable? Did God
make a mistake when He gave them to us? Or were they useful
before Adam and Eve sinned but are now corrupted by The
Fall? Are some of them “bad?" Is it a sin to feel selfish? Is it a
sin to feel jealous? Is it a sin to feel angry?
I have a burglar alarm in my home. On a couple of occasions I
have accidentally set if off, and the sound the loud speaker made
was ear splitting. The pain was unbearable. I had to do
something right away to escape the pain. So I plugged my ears
with my fingers and went to the keypad and entered the code.
Then the alarm immediately stopped, so the pain stopped.
Ways To Stop The Pain
But what would I do if I did not know the "code?" My fingers in
my ears were only mildly successful in reducing the pain, so I
would have to do something else. I could leave and wait outside
until the noise stopped (and the police came). Or I could find the
loudspeaker and cover it over with something. That would likely
not work any better than covering my ears. Better yet, I could cut
the wire to the loud speaker. That would stop the noise.
The purpose of the alarm was to make known an intrusion into
my house. If the alarm had been set off by a burglar instead of by
me, that would be important information. If a burglar entered and
I did not have an alarm, something really bad might happen.
The Pain Has A Purpose
The burglar alarm was purposely designed to be impossible to
ignore, because it is important that the "intrusion" stop. The
neighbors and the police need to be alerted, and the intruder
needs to know they have been discovered so they will stop
doing their dirty work.
Our negative emotions are like that. Some of our emotions are
“ear-splittingly” hurtful, because they are giving us very
important information that we must not ignore.
When your panic or anxiety makes you feel like you are dying,
that feeling is a meant to be a message that you can't bury or
refuse to listen to. The feeling is a lot more like a broken leg than
a splinter.
Fortunately not all our negative emotions are that severe. God
designed them to be proportional to the bad news they are
giving us.
Pleasant Emotions
You also have pleasant emotions which were given to you so
that you would be attracted to whatever is making you feel
good. What makes you feel good are the things that fulfill the
many needs you have, such as the need for love, affirmation,
sex, etc.
"Feelings" and "Emotions"
We receive various signals from inside us. Some of these
signals relate to the physical status of our body, and some of
them relate to our psychological/spiritual status.
When I use the term "feelings," I am including both categories.
When I use the term "physical sensations" I am referring to the
physical signals, and when I use the term "emotions" I am
referring to the psychological/spiritual signals.
"Emotions" can be telling us about unmet psychological needs
("I need a hug"), or the presence of a wound inside.
"Physical sensations" and "emotions have a great deal in
common, and the purpose of all of our "feelings" is to make us
consciously aware of something that is going on below our level
of consciousness. Most of us do not have difficulty
understanding our "physical sensations (for instance I am
thirsty, or my feet hurt), but our problems tend to relate to
misunderstanding our "emotions."
Because of the similarities between "physical sensations" and
"emotions," I will often use parallels between them to clarify a
point I am making about "emotions."
Feelings Are Indispensible
If God had not given your "feelings" to you, you would not have
any way of knowing the status of what is going on inside of you.
You would not know what your needs are, and so you would
have no way of fulfilling them. If you did not feel thirst, you
would not drink something, and then you would die.
Our Attempts At Bringing Peace
As a child I knew what to do when I had a physical need. When I
was thirsty, I got a drink. However, I didn't now the “code” to
turn off the emotional pain. When strong negative emotions
came to me I had to find a way to reduce the pain. It was as if I
started out by "plugging my ears" (I tried to ignore the
message).
Since that was only modestly helpful, I searched for a more
effective means. I could not "leave," because the noise was
inside me. So eventually I "cut the wire" (I made an Inner Vow
not to hear), and then the pain stopped.
Unfortunately, then the "intrusion" (the cause of the emotional
pain) had not been fixed, and so the "burglar" had not been dealt
with. Cutting the wire, or anything else I would do to reduce my
sensitivity to my negative emotions, had bad side effects. Not
hearing the alarm going off, I would not know when a "burglar"
came inside and was doing his destructive work.
An Illustration
"Physical Sensations," since they are messages from inside, can
illustrate the extreme consequences that can come from not
feeling physical pain.
When I was a boy I had a friend whose father had experienced a
stroke, and he had lost the feeling on one side of his body. One
day my friend and his father and I were standing in their
basement, and we smelled something burning.
It was his father’s hand! He was leaning against the furnace.
Since he could not feel the heat, he did not withdraw his hand,
and he was badly burned. The physical pain that I feel when I
touch something hot is my friend, because it motivates me to
stop the pain. I quickly remove my hand from the hot surface,
and thus I limit the damage to my body. Physical pain is my
friend.
Emotional Pain Is My Friend
My emotional pain is just like that. Bad things happen when I
can no longer clearly hear my negative emotions, because I have
cut myself off from them. Then, when something bad would
happen inside, I would not know about it. Using my metaphor,
because I do not know the "burglar" is there, he is free to do his
damaging work inside. I would not know about his presence
until there had been so much damage that I could no longer
ignore it.
Unmet Needs Accumulate
Tom had daily frustrations with his boss. His boss always talked
down to him and made him feel small. Tom had not had a raise
in years, and yet the boss would give him so much to do that he
would have to take work home at night.
But Tom did not know when he was angry, because he had cut
himself off from his feelings; and he did not feel these moments
of anger towards his boss. His heart was filling up with
bitterness, but he was not aware of it. After he would get home
from work, his wife would do some little thing that irritated him,
and he would explode with anger at her.
She did not just receive Tom's reaction to what she just did, but
she also received the entire load that had been building up
inside Tom towards his boss. It was like an avalanche. One
small disturbance was the trigger, and all the "snow" that had
accumulated came surging down in one deluge and buried her.
Ski areas understand avalanches. They know that if they can
keep the snow from accumulating on the mountain slopes above
them they can prevent an avalanche. So they regularly set off
small explosive charges in the snow to bring down small snow
slides that are harmless. In this way they prevent huge buildups
of snow that would inevitably come down in a devastating rush.
The reason your panic and anxiety is so huge is
probably because there is within you a backlog of
unhealed issues.
Don't Allow Them To Accumulate
In the same way, Tom needed to listen to, and learn to recognize,
every little surge of anger that he felt. Then he could pray about
it immediately and avoid the "accumulation" that would
otherwise eventually (and inevitably) come out as outbursts of
rage.
If there is not an "accumulation" inside him, when people irritate
him they only receive the reaction that relates to that single
transgression, not his pent up reactions to all the other
accumulated hurts inside him.
Panic attacks or severe anxiety are similar. There is an
accumulation of wounds that have built up and can no longer be
suppressed. Their combined strength is too much for our burial
system. The stronger our determination to keep them buried, the
more violent is the feeling once they manage to break through.
The "Code"
To appropriately end the turmoil of our negative emotions, we
need to know how God intended for us to eliminate the pain,
rather than to cover it up. He intended for us to eliminate the
pain by addressing the cause of the pain.
When we have a toothache, we can take a pain killer, or we can
have the tooth fixed. When the tooth is "fixed," the pain stops.
Eliminating Emotional Pain
There are therefore two things we need to know about
eliminating our emotional pain.
- 1. We need to listen to the pain rather than run from it.
This way we can discover what it is telling us. When our
tooth hurts, we know something is wrong with our tooth,
rather than with our foot.
2. Then we need to address the cause of the pain by
applying the appropriate "cure." We need to have our tooth
fixed by a dentist.
especially regarding the wounds inside us. But it is possible to
learn how to do both, and therefore, it is possible to eliminate the
cause of our emotional pain so that the pain will stop.
Understanding The Language Of
Our Emotions
God gave us our "emotions," and He intended for them to be
useful to us. It is therefore possible to learn this mysterious
language that comes up from inside us. In later chapters I will go
into more detail about learning this language, but here I want to
point out a few important characteristics of our "emotions."
- 1. A negative emotion may be telling us of an unmet
appropriate emotional need. If that need is met in an
appropriate way, the negative emotion will go away and will
likely be replaced by an emotion that feels good. We have
received what we needed. For instance James, who is a
little boy, needs a hug. The parent picks him up and holds
him. The negative emotion will likely be replaced with a
good feeling of satisfaction, which tells James he is no
longer needy. Now he is ready to be put down and again
explore the world.
2. A negative emotion may be telling us about a root of
bitterness that we have just planted inside. These events
cause us the most difficulty, and are the most mysterious to
us. If unresolved, such a root will cause problems in our
life (See my Chapter 2 about the laws of God).
3. The emotional pain may also be telling us about , an
older wound, or accumulation of older wounds, that we
have not yet eliminated. In this case the current event has
touched this old root and triggered a response from it. It is
like stubbing your toe. Before you first injure it, there is
pain. But until it heals, it seems as though you are
constantly hitting it on something. Actually, you are
probably not again hitting it hard enough to injure it further,
but the toe is hyper-sensitive to pain. It is hyper-sensitive
because of the previous injury. Therefore, one symptom of
the presence of an old root deep inside us is when a small
situation triggers a big response, a response that is out of
proportion to what just happened. This is what happened
to Tom in the previous example. His previous judgments of
his boss accumulated and eventually he exploded in anger
at his wife. Panic attacks and severe anxiety are like this.
4. All negative "feelings," both physical and emotional,
are proportional to the need. The more urgent or important,
the more intense is the pain. If I have a slight discomfort in
my tooth, I can take my time about getting it fixed. If the
pain is intense, I need to get to the dentist immediately. I
can't stand to wait! That is exactly why God designed
feelings this way. The intense pain tells me there is a
serious problem that needs immediate treatment, and the
extreme pain is intended to motivate me to take action now.
I find myself unable to postpone getting treatment.
5. The language of our "emotions" is not a language
like English, or Spanish. It is made up of little sensations
which are specific to the nature of the hurt. I will ask clients
how they feel about something, for instance how their
husband treats them. Often the response is something like,
"I feel as though he doesn't listen to me." This is not an
emotion. This is an analysis. The emotion would be
something like: "I feel abandoned, unimportant, demeaned,
alone."
Eliminating The Cause Of The Pain
Therefore, if there is a wound planted inside us, our negative
emotions are our friend telling us about this problem. What do
we do in response to the negative emotion (the "alarm" going
off)? We need to key in the "code."
This Way Works
This "code" works. When we apply the blood of Jesus to the
wound, the negative emotion stops. It stops because the wound
that the pain was warning us about has been healed. The
wound has been cleansed, and Jesus has come into that place
in our heart. The "burglar" is now gone. Jesus' provision truly
is Good News!
I teach about how to "apply the blood of Jesus" to each
wound in Chapters 2 through 5.
My Emotions Are My Guide
After I pray, if I still find myself to be anxious, especially if my
anxiety is extreme and is contaminating my day, I need to look
for a long buried root.
It Is Complicated,
And Yet Simple
The code to my home burglar alarm is simple, but this “code” to
end my negative emotions appropriately is complex. It is
complex because many of the old roots are deeply buried and I
have forgotten about them. I cannot remember many of them
myself. It is therefore too complex for me to understand.
But it is not too complicated for Jesus, and He will lead me in this
process of finding the wound and being healed.
I teach about God's commitment to your healing in
Chapter 6.
I may also need another person to walk through this with me,
such as a trusted friend, or a counselor.
I Need To Listen Inside
I also need to listen inside to the emotions that are telling me
about the wound.
Ideally, teaching me how to listen to my emotion and to then pray
was the job assigned to my parents. In my own childhood, my
parents were as ignorant about this as I, so there was no way for
them to teach me. In fact, they did the opposite of facilitating my
ability to hear what my emotions were telling me.
My parents (or other caretakers) wounded me and I built a wall
inside, which reduced my pain, but it also reduced my innate
ability to hear my emotions. Unfortunately, in many cases
parents are unable to mentor their children to listen to and to
understand their emotions.
Are “Bad” Emotions Sin?
Many of us have been taught that "bad" emotions are sin. For
instance we may have been taught that it is a sin to feel jealous.
However, it should now be clear to you that it is not a sin to feel
jealous. There is nothing wrong with that emotion, and so we do
not need to repent of feeling jealous. The emotion is simply the
message system. There is a sin present, but the sin is not the
feeling.
The Negative Emotion Guides Me
There is a wound buried inside us, and we need to know about
its presence.
We do then need to find out what the root is and be healed of
that. This may sound like hair splitting, but there is a profound
difference between the feeling and the root.
The wound exists, and the feeling is just the signal telling us
about the root. The signal is not sin, but rather it is just our
faithful messenger, our helper, and our friend.
Killing The Messenger
In ancient times, when a messenger brought bad news, the king
had the messenger killed. Of course, the problem wasn't the
messenger or the message he carried. The messenger was
simply a mechanism for informing the king of what was going on
elsewhere.
When something bad was happening elsewhere, the news was
bad. We now look at the king's response and see how ridiculous
that is. And yet that is exactly what we have done if we have
shut off our emotions because they are "bad."
Repressing Emotions Hurts Us
Repressing or trying to squash our emotions produces negative
consequences in our lives. We are the ones who suffer. When
we repress the negative emotions to keep from feeling the pain,
we miss out on the awareness that something inside needs
attention. That is what the negative emotions are trying to tell us.
If we continue to ignore them, there will be unfortunate
consequences. Whatever is wrong inside will eventually come
to the surface in some fashion, because the problem inside will
become too large to ignore.
Ulcers, insomnia, and uncontrolled outbursts of anger are
common examples of this, as are panic or anxiety attacks. When
we do not allow emotions to come "straight out" (listen to them
and resolve them) as God intended, they eventually come out
"sideways" and produce problems in our life.
Panic or Anxiety Will Not Go Away
If you try to run away from the feelings of anxiety, they will not
obey. They will continue to build and to grow, because you have
not dealt with the root problem inside us. Of course, the reason
you haven't "dealt" with the root problem is because you haven't
known how to do that; but that doesn't solve the problem.
The good news is that once you understand how to
follow the feeling to the root, and then you apply the
blood of Jesus to the root, you will have peace! Jesus
promised that.
Can You Rely On Your Emotions?
It may shock you to know that your emotions are always
100% accurate. Your emotions are not sometimes accurate, or
often accurate. They are always accurate - - - in one way. They
always tell you exactly what is going on inside you.
Because of old wounds and the reactions that are triggered by
their presence, our emotions may not be an accurate measure of
what is going on outside of us.
For instance, I might feel rejected by the host at a party, only to
find out later he liked me! My emotion was not an accurate
indicator of what was happening in my relationship with the host
at the party (what was happening outside me).
What Was Going On Inside Me
Nevertheless, the feeling was giving me very important
information about what was happening inside me. In this
situation, my emotion was saying I have an old root of bitterness
that was triggered when I felt rejected. I need to know this so
that I can find the old root of rejection and be healed.
Whenever my emotions are not appropriate to the
circumstances, this is an important clue that there is another
wound inside me that needs to be taken care of. In these
situations, if I blame others, or circumstances, or if I dismiss my
emotions as undesirable, I rob myself of the opportunity of
seeing that I have a wound inside me. Then I miss out on the
opportunity of being healed.
My emotion was my friend giving me important information about
what was going on inside me.
The Role Of Positive Emotions
God gave us both positive and negative emotions. So far we
have been focusing on the negative ones. Remember, He made
the negative ones unpleasant so we would avoid whatever was
causing them.
The positive ones are also useful. God made them pleasant so
we would approach whatever causes them. They signal the
receipt of something good for us. When children need to be
held, they hold up their hands so that their parent will pick them
up and fill the need. Once they have been filled with the touch of
the parent, they are ready to get down and again explore the
world.
Knowing What We Need
Since we are needy creatures, it is important that we have a way
of knowing what is good for us so we can seek it out and receive
it. Feeling both positive and negative emotions is therefore
meant to be our way of navigating through life.
Unfortunately, when we repress our negative feelings, we lose
the good ones too. The tragic thing about burying or smothering
negative feelings is that it doesn’t stop with them. The good,
positive ones get clobbered at the same time.
Be aware that subtle negative emotions also give you important
information. The walk of constantly listening to your negative
emotions should not be limited to "nuclear blasts." In fact, the
majority of negative emotions that you feel may be fairly mild.
For instance, you may be a bit irritated because your wife left the
top off the toothpaste tube, but you may not be so angry as to
start an argument.
The Small Emotions Count
Nevertheless, this emotion of irritation is still a signal that you
judged her, and so you need to pray. Otherwise these little bitter
roots will accumulate (a bundle of bitter roots will be forming in
your heart), and at some point you may explode at her over
something minor.
For most of us, these sorts of mild reactions happen many times
a day, and we therefore need to pray many times a day. If we do
this, we don't have to carry the burden of those sinful reactions;
because Jesus takes them. We then experience the rest that
Jesus promised.
A Strange Language
If you have not been listening to what your emotions are telling
you, their "language" will likely be strange to you.
Our parents were supposed to teach us how to understand this
language. If they didn't (and mine sure didn't, because they
didn't know it themselves), and if we have been running from our
emotions, we are probably not very adept at describing how we
feel.
Describing Feelings
Saying, "I feel like he doesn't listen to me" is not a feeling. It is a
conclusion. Saying "I feel unimportant," or "I feel lonely," are
descriptions of emotions.
We need to learn this language so that we can understand what
our emotions are telling us, and thus to benefit from the
information. I teach about this in detail in the full Chapter 11 of "I
Will Give You Rest."
Summary
Our "feelings" are special, wonderful gifts that God has given to
us so that we can know the conditions that exist inside us.
These messages are our helpers, and we need to listen to them.
Our "bad" emotions are not sin. They are simply the message
system God gave us to alert us to when all is not well inside us,
when something needs attention.
It is important for us to "leave no negative emotion unexamined,"
because our negative emotions always tell us accurately when
there is a wound hidden inside us.
The living God has provided the way to fix all these
things.
He also wants to walk with us through the guidance of our
emotions to show us what He wants to heal inside us.
Our positive emotions are also important. They are enjoyable
and fun, and they will also guide us into those things that
minister to us. Each of us is a unique person who finds
fulfillment in unique ways, and the positive emotions are the
signposts directing us to our fulfillment. In addition, these good
feelings are a reward for achieving healing of our wounds, and
obtaining fulfillment of our needs.
Where Does Panic or Anxiety
Come From?
- Where do these powerful feelings come from?
- Why have we run from them?
- Why can they be so intense and awful?
- Why don't we have conscious control over them?
- Where does the healing have to occur?
In dealing with panic or intense anxiety, these are all important
questions.
Where To Go From Here?
Again, I would recommend that you read the book chapters out
of order. Chapter 9 will give you answers to these above
questions. If you are to gain permanent relief from your panic or
intense anxiety, you will need to understand the nature of the
wound, and where it is, so that you can be healed.
Get The Whole Story
My book "I Will Give You Rest" tells you everything you need to
know about how to appropriate the peace and rest Jesus
promised.
to Chapter 9. |
Divinely Designed
Being changed into the image of Jesus
Being changed into the image of Jesus
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