Chapter 11
Anger and Emotions
(taken from the book "I Will Give You Rest" by Edward Kurath)
What Is Anger About?
Anger is a signal from inside telling you that all is not well. That
is probably no surprise to you. But what may be a surprise is
that anger is not your enemy. It only seems like an enemy
because it is so unmanageable, and because it causes trouble
for you.
The answer to resolving your anger problem is to begin to
understand what your anger is telling you, so that you can
dissipate it. "Managing" your anger means controlling it, or
ignoring it. That is a huge mistake, because it only makes the
problem worse. You need a cure, not a cover-up.
Emotions Are Your Friend
Suppose you are in your car and you are in a hurry. You get
stopped at a stoplight (of course, it always happens when you
are in a hurry). The light finally changes to "green" and the
driver in front of you does not notice it. They just sit there.
What would you do? Likely, you would honk your horn. How
would you feel? Wouldn't you be a bit upset? When the other
car finally gets going, it is too late for you to get through the
light. You then have to wait until the light turns green again.
Now you are more than a little upset. How long would it take you
to calm down? What would you do to calm yourself down?
How We Cope
We all have developed ways of dealing with our negative
emotions by trial and error. We try something and it seems to
bring a bit of relief, so we add that to our repertoire as a way to
deal with such unpleasant moments in the future. But such
coping skills don't really solve the problem.
One Way Is To Ignore The
Emotions
One coping skill is to try to ignore the negative emotions. As a
child I learned to avoid my negative emotions if at all possible.
This was the message that I got from living in my family, and it
was the method I observed in my parents.
My experience is not unusual, because our culture (and
unfortunately some of the Church) say that our emotions are
unreliable. Regardless of how we try to ignore them, they
persist. They come and go in a seemingly mysterious way, in a
way that we do not find ourselves able to adequately control.
Negative emotions are a "problem" we all share.
What Are Emotions?
Are emotions simply random? Are they unpredictable? Did God
make a mistake when He gave them to us? Or were they useful
before Adam and Eve sinned but are now corrupted by The
Fall? Are some of them “bad?" Is it a sin to feel selfish? Is it a
sin to feel jealous? Is it a sin to feel angry?
I have a burglar alarm in my home. On a couple of occasions I
have accidentally set if off, and the sound the loud speaker made
was ear splitting. The pain was unbearable. I had to do
something right away to escape the pain. So I plugged my ears
with my fingers and went to the keypad and entered the code.
Then the alarm immediately stopped, so the pain stopped.
Ways To Stop The Pain
But what would I do if I did not know the code? My fingers in my
ears were only mildly successful in reducing the pain, so I would
have to do something else. I could leave and wait outside until
the noise stopped (and the police came). Or I could find the
loudspeaker and cover it over with something. That would likely
not work any better than covering my ears. Better yet, I could cut
the wire to the loud speaker. That would stop the noise.
The purpose of the alarm was to make known an intrusion into
my house. If the alarm had been set off by a burglar instead of by
me, that would be important information. If a burglar entered and
I did not have an alarm, something really bad might happen.
The Pain Has A Purpose
The burglar alarm was purposely designed to be impossible to
ignore, because it is important that the "intrusion" stop. The
neighbors and the police need to be alerted, and the intruder
needs to know they have been discovered so they will stop
doing their dirty work.
Our negative emotions are like that. Some of our emotions are
“ear-splittingly” hurtful, because they are giving us very
important information that we must not ignore.
For instance, your neighbor has a big dog that he lets run loose
in the neighborhood. You have talked to the neighbor 3 times
about the leash law, and he obviously hasn't listened. You go
out to get your newspaper on your front sidewalk, and the dog
runs over and bites you on the leg. You have had it! You are
ready to go next door and punch him in the mouth. That anger is
something you need to pay attention to, so you don't get in
trouble.
Fortunately not all our negative emotions are that severe. God
designed them to be proportional to the message they are giving
us.
"Feelings" and "Emotions"
We receive various signals from inside. Some of these signals
relate to the physical status of our body, and some of them relate
to our psychological/spiritual status
.
When I use the term "physical sensations" I am referring to the
physical signals from my body.
When I use the term "emotions" I am referring to the
psychological/spiritual signals.
When I use the term "feelings," I am including both categories.
"Emotions" can be telling us about unmet psychological needs
("I need a hug"), or the presence of a root of sin, usually a Bitter
Root Judgment (see Chapters 3 and 4 for more on this).
"Physical sensations" and "emotions" have a great deal in
common, and the purpose of all of our "feelings" is to make us
consciously aware of something that is going on below our
level of consciousness. Most of us do not have difficulty
understanding our "physical sensations" (for instance I am
thirsty, or my feet hurt), but our problems tend to relate to
misunderstanding our "emotions."
Because of the similarities between "physical sensations" and
"emotions," I will often use parallels between them to clarify a
point I am making about "emotions."
All Feelings Are Indispensible
If God had not given your "feelings" to you, you would not have
any way of knowing the status of what is going on inside of
you. You would not know what your needs are, and so you
would have no way of fulfilling them. If you did not feel thirst,
you would not drink something, and then you would die.
Our Attempts At Bringing Peace
As a child I knew what to do when I had a physical need. When I
was thirsty, I got a drink. However, I didn't now the “code” to
turn off the emotional pain. When strong negative emotions
came to me I had to find a way to reduce the pain. It was as if I
started out by "plugging my ears" (I tried to ignore the
message).
Since that was only modestly helpful, I searched for a more
effective means. I could not "leave," because the "noise" was in
me. So eventually I "cut the wire" (I made an Inner Vow not to
hear), and then the pain stopped.
Unfortunately, then the "intrusion" (the cause of the emotional
pain) had not been fixed, and so the "burglar" had not been dealt
with. Cutting the wire, or anything else I would do to reduce my
sensitivity to my negative emotions, had bad side effects. Not
hearing the alarm going off, I would not know when a "burglar"
came inside and was doing his destructive work.
An Illustration
"Physical Sensations," since they are messages from inside, can
illustrate the extreme consequences that can come from not
feeling physical pain.
When I was a boy I had a friend whose father had experienced a
stroke, and he had lost the feeling on one side of his body. One
day my friend and his father and I were standing in their
basement and we smelled something burning. It was his father’s
hand! He was leaning against the furnace.
Since he could not feel the heat, he did not withdraw his hand,
and he was badly burned. The physical pain that I feel when I
touch something hot is my friend, because it motivates me to
stop the pain. I quickly remove my hand from the hot surface,
and thus I limit the damage to my body. Physical pain is my
friend.
Emotional Pain Is My Friend
My emotional pain is just like that. Bad things happen when I
can no longer clearly hear my negative emotions, because I have
built a wall inside to cut them off. Then, when something bad
would happen inside, I would not know about it. Using my
metaphor, because I do not know the "burglar" is there, he is
free to do his damaging work inside. I would not know about his
presence until there had been so much damage that I could no
longer ignore it.
Bitter Roots Accumulate
Tom had daily frustrations with his boss. His boss always talked
down to him and made him feel small. Tom had not had a raise
in years, and yet the boss would give him so much to do that he
would have to take work home at night.
But Tom did not know when he was angry because he had built
a wall inside, and he did not feel these moments of anger. His
heart was filling up with bitterness, but he was not aware of it.
After he would get home from work, his wife would do some little
thing that irritated him, and he would explode with anger at her.
She did not just receive Tom's reaction to what she just did, but
she also received the entire load that had been building up
inside Tom towards his boss. It was like an avalanche. One
small disturbance was the trigger, and all the "snow" that had
accumulated came surging down in one deluge and buried her.
Ski areas understand avalanches. They know that if they can
keep the snow from accumulating on the mountain slopes above
them they can prevent an avalanche. So they regularly set off
small explosive charges in the snow to bring down small snow
slides that are harmless. In this way they prevent huge buildups
of snow that would inevitably come down in a devastating rush.
Don't Allow Them To Accumulate
In the same way, Tom needed to listen to, and learn to recognize,
every surge of anger that he felt. Then he could pray about it
immediately and avoid the "accumulation" that would otherwise
eventually (and inevitably) come out as outbursts of rage.
If there is not an "accumulation" inside him, when people irritate
him they only receive the reaction that relates to that single
transgression, not his pent up reactions to all the other
accumulated hurts inside him.
The "Code"
To appropriately end the turmoil of our negative emotions, we
need to know how God intended for us to eliminate the pain,
rather than to cover it up. He intended for us to eliminate the
pain by addressing the cause of the pain.
When we have a toothache, we can take a pain killer, or we can
have the tooth fixed. When the tooth is "fixed," the pain stops.
Remember that emotional pain relates either to unmet
psychological needs or to roots of sin that exist inside.
Eliminating Emotional Pain
There are therefore two things we need to know about
eliminating our emotional pain.
especially regarding the roots of sin. But it is possible to learn
how to do both, and therefore, it is possible to eliminate the
cause of our emotional pain so that the pain will stop.
Understanding The Language Of
Our Emotions
God gave us our "emotions," and He intended for them to be
useful to us. It is therefore possible to learn this mysterious
language that comes up from inside us. In other chapters I will
go into more detail about learning this language,
"emotions" is not a language like English, or Spanish. It is made
up of little sensations which are specific to the nature of the
hurt. It is a robust language with a large vocabulary. That way,
once I learn the language, I can tell precisely what the problem is.
Eliminating The Cause Of The Pain
Therefore, if there is a wound inside us, our negative emotions
are our friend telling us about this problem. What do we do in
response to the negative emotion (the "alarm" going off)? We
need to key in the "code."
When the cause of the alarm is sin (judging the other person, for
example), there is only one "code" that works. The "code" that
God has provided is the provision for the washing away of our
sin through the forgiveness provided by the sacrifice of Jesus.
This Way Works
This "code" works. When we forgive and are forgiven, the
negative emotion stops. It stops because the wound that the
pain was warning us about has been healed. The sin has been
washed away, and Jesus has come into that place in our heart.
The "burglar" is now gone.
Jesus' provision truly is Good News!
When I was angry with the other driver who didn't go through the
green light, I had judged him. I needed to take care of that as
soon as I could, immediately if possible. That way I could catch
the "burglar" before he had a chance to do any damage.
My Emotions Are My Guide
After I pray, if I still find myself agitated, especially if my anger is
extreme and is contaminating my day, I need to look for a long
buried root. Perhaps I had judged my parents for never paying
attention to my needs.
Even worse, perhaps I judged myself as being unworthy to have
my needs met by others; and therefore it is left up to me to take
care of myself.
Certainly, it is true that the other driver was not sensitive to my
needs, and it was his behavior that touched that wound deep
inside me. But it wasn't what he did that was the problem.
What planted the bitter root was my reaction to what he did.
Feeling the emotion gives me an opportunity to face what I did
and thus to be set free from the consequences of the bitter root.
See Chapters 2 through 5 for more on this process.
It Is Complicated,
And Yet Simple
The code to my home burglar alarm is simple, but this “code” to
end my negative emotions appropriately is complex. It is
complex because many of the old roots of bitterness are deeply
buried and I have forgotten about them. I cannot remember
many of them myself. It is therefore too complex for me to
understand.
But it is not too complicated for Jesus, and He will lead me in this
process of finding the bitter roots and being healed. I may also
need another person to walk through this with me, such as a
trusted friend, or a counselor.
I Need To Listen Inside
I also need to listen inside, to the emotion that is telling me
something is wrong.
Ideally, teaching me how to listen to my emotion and to then pray
was the job assigned to my parents. In my own childhood, my
parents were as ignorant about this as I, so there was no way for
them to teach me. In fact, they did the opposite of facilitating my
ability to hear inside.
My parents (or other caregiver) wounded me, and I built a wall
inside, which reduced my pain, but it also reduced my innate
ability to hear my emotions. Unfortunately, many parents are
unable to mentor their children in order to help them hear what is
going on inside them.
It Is Never Too Late
If this is true of you, now as an adult you need to have the barrier
inside removed, and then to learn what your parents should
have taught you when you were very young --- how to
understand the valuable friend you have inside. It is never too
late.
When I first realized how shut down I had been inside, I
questioned the Lord, "Why didn't I know this earlier?" I felt bitter
because I had to suffer for many years before I became aware of
the truth. But then I realized how blessed I was. Many people
never learn about the "code," and they suffer for their whole life.
We are blessed to know this now.
Are “Bad” Emotions Sin?
Many of us have been taught that "bad" emotions are sin. For
instance we may have been taught that it is a sin to feel jealous.
However, it should now be clear to you that it is not a sin to feel
jealous. There is nothing wrong with that emotion, and so we do
not need to repent of feeling jealous. The emotion is simply the
message system. There is a sin present, but the sin is not the
feeling.
The Negative Emotion Guides Me
There is a root of bitterness inside us (planted by a sinful
reaction of judging), and we need to know about the presence of
this bitter root.
that. This may sound like hair splitting, but there is a profound
difference between the feeling and the root.
The bitter root of sin exists, and the feeling is just the signal
telling us about the root. The signal is not sin, but rather it is just
our faithful messenger, our helper, and our friend.
Killing The Messenger
In ancient times, when a messenger brought bad news, the king
had the messenger killed. Of course, the problem wasn't the
messenger or the message he carried. The messenger was
simply a mechanism for informing the king of what was going on
elsewhere.
When something bad was happening elsewhere, the news was
bad. We now look at the king's response and see how ridiculous
that is. And yet that is exactly what we have done if we have
shut off our emotions because they are "bad."
Repressing Emotions Hurts Us
Repressing or trying to squash our emotions produces negative
consequences in our lives. We are the ones who suffer. When
we repress the negative emotions to keep from feeling the pain,
we miss out on the awareness that something inside needs
attention. That is what the negative emotions are trying to tell us.
If we continue to ignore them, there will be unfortunate
consequences. Whatever is wrong inside will eventually come
to the surface in some fashion, because the problem inside will
become too large to ignore.
Ulcers, insomnia, and uncontrolled outbursts of anger are
common examples of this. When we do not allow emotions to
come "straight out" (listen to them and resolve them) as God
intended, they eventually come out "sideways" and produce
problems in our life.
Knowing What We Need
Since we are needy creatures, it is important that we have a way
of knowing what is good for us so we can seek it out and receive
it.
Feeling both positive and negative emotions is
therefore meant to be our way of navigating through life.
Unfortunately, when we repress our negative feelings, we lose
the good ones too. "The tragic thing about burying or
smothering negative feelings is that it doesn’t stop with them.
The good, positive ones get clobbered at the same time."
(Jacobs, p.25).
Can You Rely On Your Emotions?
It may shock you to know that your emotions are always
100% accurate. Your emotions are not sometimes accurate, or
often accurate. They are always accurate - - - in one way. They
always tell you exactly what is going on inside you.
Because of old wounds and the reactions that are triggered by
their presence, our emotions may not be an accurate measure of
what is going on outside of us.
For instance, I might feel rejected by the host at a party, only to
find out later he liked me! My emotion was not an accurate
indicator of what was happening in my relationship with the host
at the party (what was happening outside me).
What Was Going On Inside Me
Nevertheless, the feeling was giving me very important
information about what was happening inside me. In this
situation, my emotion was saying I have an old root of bitterness
that was triggered when I felt rejected. I need to know this so
that I can find the old root of rejection and be healed.
Whenever my emotions are not appropriate to the
circumstances, this is an important clue that there is a wound
inside me that needs to be taken care of. In these situations, if I
blame others, or circumstances, or if I dismiss my emotions as
undesirable, I rob myself of the opportunity of seeing that I have
a wound inside me. Then I miss out on the opportunity of being
healed.
My emotion was my friend giving me important information about
what was going on inside me.
Be aware that subtle negative emotions also give you important
information. The walk of constantly listening to your negative
emotions should not be limited to "nuclear blasts." In fact, the
majority of negative emotions that you feel will be fairly mild.
For instance, you may be a bit irritated because your wife left the
top off the toothpaste tube, but you may not be so angry as to
start an argument.
The Small Emotions Count
Nevertheless, this emotion of irritation is still a signal that you
judged her, and so you need to pray. Otherwise these little bitter
roots will accumulate (a bundle of bitter roots will be forming in
your heart), and at some point you may explode at her over
something minor.
For most of us, these sorts of mild reactions happen many times
a day, and we therefore need to pray many times a day. If we do
this we don't have to carry the burden of those sinful reactions,
because Jesus takes them. We then experience the rest that
Jesus promised.
Do It!
We need to learn this language so that we can understand what
our emotions are telling us, and thus to benefit from the
information.
It is of utmost importance that you actually act in
applying the blood of Jesus every time your anger tells
you that you have judged, or you will have no change in
your life.
But HOW do you apply the blood of Jesus?
In order for you to learn HOW to do this, you first need
to understand WHY those wounds inside are so
powerful that they are able to compel you to do what
you hate.
What you have been reading is from my book,
"I Will Give You Rest."
Complete Your Journey
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the rest of the book.
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If you can not afford to buy a copy, email us your
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Copyright 2013 Edward Kurath
Anger and Emotions
(taken from the book "I Will Give You Rest" by Edward Kurath)
What Is Anger About?
Anger is a signal from inside telling you that all is not well. That
is probably no surprise to you. But what may be a surprise is
that anger is not your enemy. It only seems like an enemy
because it is so unmanageable, and because it causes trouble
for you.
The answer to resolving your anger problem is to begin to
understand what your anger is telling you, so that you can
dissipate it. "Managing" your anger means controlling it, or
ignoring it. That is a huge mistake, because it only makes the
problem worse. You need a cure, not a cover-up.
Emotions Are Your Friend
Suppose you are in your car and you are in a hurry. You get
stopped at a stoplight (of course, it always happens when you
are in a hurry). The light finally changes to "green" and the
driver in front of you does not notice it. They just sit there.
What would you do? Likely, you would honk your horn. How
would you feel? Wouldn't you be a bit upset? When the other
car finally gets going, it is too late for you to get through the
light. You then have to wait until the light turns green again.
Now you are more than a little upset. How long would it take you
to calm down? What would you do to calm yourself down?
How We Cope
We all have developed ways of dealing with our negative
emotions by trial and error. We try something and it seems to
bring a bit of relief, so we add that to our repertoire as a way to
deal with such unpleasant moments in the future. But such
coping skills don't really solve the problem.
One Way Is To Ignore The
Emotions
One coping skill is to try to ignore the negative emotions. As a
child I learned to avoid my negative emotions if at all possible.
This was the message that I got from living in my family, and it
was the method I observed in my parents.
My experience is not unusual, because our culture (and
unfortunately some of the Church) say that our emotions are
unreliable. Regardless of how we try to ignore them, they
persist. They come and go in a seemingly mysterious way, in a
way that we do not find ourselves able to adequately control.
Negative emotions are a "problem" we all share.
What Are Emotions?
Are emotions simply random? Are they unpredictable? Did God
make a mistake when He gave them to us? Or were they useful
before Adam and Eve sinned but are now corrupted by The
Fall? Are some of them “bad?" Is it a sin to feel selfish? Is it a
sin to feel jealous? Is it a sin to feel angry?
I have a burglar alarm in my home. On a couple of occasions I
have accidentally set if off, and the sound the loud speaker made
was ear splitting. The pain was unbearable. I had to do
something right away to escape the pain. So I plugged my ears
with my fingers and went to the keypad and entered the code.
Then the alarm immediately stopped, so the pain stopped.
Ways To Stop The Pain
But what would I do if I did not know the code? My fingers in my
ears were only mildly successful in reducing the pain, so I would
have to do something else. I could leave and wait outside until
the noise stopped (and the police came). Or I could find the
loudspeaker and cover it over with something. That would likely
not work any better than covering my ears. Better yet, I could cut
the wire to the loud speaker. That would stop the noise.
The purpose of the alarm was to make known an intrusion into
my house. If the alarm had been set off by a burglar instead of by
me, that would be important information. If a burglar entered and
I did not have an alarm, something really bad might happen.
The Pain Has A Purpose
The burglar alarm was purposely designed to be impossible to
ignore, because it is important that the "intrusion" stop. The
neighbors and the police need to be alerted, and the intruder
needs to know they have been discovered so they will stop
doing their dirty work.
Our negative emotions are like that. Some of our emotions are
“ear-splittingly” hurtful, because they are giving us very
important information that we must not ignore.
For instance, your neighbor has a big dog that he lets run loose
in the neighborhood. You have talked to the neighbor 3 times
about the leash law, and he obviously hasn't listened. You go
out to get your newspaper on your front sidewalk, and the dog
runs over and bites you on the leg. You have had it! You are
ready to go next door and punch him in the mouth. That anger is
something you need to pay attention to, so you don't get in
trouble.
Fortunately not all our negative emotions are that severe. God
designed them to be proportional to the message they are giving
us.
"Feelings" and "Emotions"
We receive various signals from inside. Some of these signals
relate to the physical status of our body, and some of them relate
to our psychological/spiritual status
.
When I use the term "physical sensations" I am referring to the
physical signals from my body.
When I use the term "emotions" I am referring to the
psychological/spiritual signals.
When I use the term "feelings," I am including both categories.
"Emotions" can be telling us about unmet psychological needs
("I need a hug"), or the presence of a root of sin, usually a Bitter
Root Judgment (see Chapters 3 and 4 for more on this).
"Physical sensations" and "emotions" have a great deal in
common, and the purpose of all of our "feelings" is to make us
consciously aware of something that is going on below our
level of consciousness. Most of us do not have difficulty
understanding our "physical sensations" (for instance I am
thirsty, or my feet hurt), but our problems tend to relate to
misunderstanding our "emotions."
Because of the similarities between "physical sensations" and
"emotions," I will often use parallels between them to clarify a
point I am making about "emotions."
All Feelings Are Indispensible
If God had not given your "feelings" to you, you would not have
any way of knowing the status of what is going on inside of
you. You would not know what your needs are, and so you
would have no way of fulfilling them. If you did not feel thirst,
you would not drink something, and then you would die.
Our Attempts At Bringing Peace
As a child I knew what to do when I had a physical need. When I
was thirsty, I got a drink. However, I didn't now the “code” to
turn off the emotional pain. When strong negative emotions
came to me I had to find a way to reduce the pain. It was as if I
started out by "plugging my ears" (I tried to ignore the
message).
Since that was only modestly helpful, I searched for a more
effective means. I could not "leave," because the "noise" was in
me. So eventually I "cut the wire" (I made an Inner Vow not to
hear), and then the pain stopped.
Unfortunately, then the "intrusion" (the cause of the emotional
pain) had not been fixed, and so the "burglar" had not been dealt
with. Cutting the wire, or anything else I would do to reduce my
sensitivity to my negative emotions, had bad side effects. Not
hearing the alarm going off, I would not know when a "burglar"
came inside and was doing his destructive work.
An Illustration
"Physical Sensations," since they are messages from inside, can
illustrate the extreme consequences that can come from not
feeling physical pain.
When I was a boy I had a friend whose father had experienced a
stroke, and he had lost the feeling on one side of his body. One
day my friend and his father and I were standing in their
basement and we smelled something burning. It was his father’s
hand! He was leaning against the furnace.
Since he could not feel the heat, he did not withdraw his hand,
and he was badly burned. The physical pain that I feel when I
touch something hot is my friend, because it motivates me to
stop the pain. I quickly remove my hand from the hot surface,
and thus I limit the damage to my body. Physical pain is my
friend.
Emotional Pain Is My Friend
My emotional pain is just like that. Bad things happen when I
can no longer clearly hear my negative emotions, because I have
built a wall inside to cut them off. Then, when something bad
would happen inside, I would not know about it. Using my
metaphor, because I do not know the "burglar" is there, he is
free to do his damaging work inside. I would not know about his
presence until there had been so much damage that I could no
longer ignore it.
Bitter Roots Accumulate
Tom had daily frustrations with his boss. His boss always talked
down to him and made him feel small. Tom had not had a raise
in years, and yet the boss would give him so much to do that he
would have to take work home at night.
But Tom did not know when he was angry because he had built
a wall inside, and he did not feel these moments of anger. His
heart was filling up with bitterness, but he was not aware of it.
After he would get home from work, his wife would do some little
thing that irritated him, and he would explode with anger at her.
She did not just receive Tom's reaction to what she just did, but
she also received the entire load that had been building up
inside Tom towards his boss. It was like an avalanche. One
small disturbance was the trigger, and all the "snow" that had
accumulated came surging down in one deluge and buried her.
Ski areas understand avalanches. They know that if they can
keep the snow from accumulating on the mountain slopes above
them they can prevent an avalanche. So they regularly set off
small explosive charges in the snow to bring down small snow
slides that are harmless. In this way they prevent huge buildups
of snow that would inevitably come down in a devastating rush.
Don't Allow Them To Accumulate
In the same way, Tom needed to listen to, and learn to recognize,
every surge of anger that he felt. Then he could pray about it
immediately and avoid the "accumulation" that would otherwise
eventually (and inevitably) come out as outbursts of rage.
If there is not an "accumulation" inside him, when people irritate
him they only receive the reaction that relates to that single
transgression, not his pent up reactions to all the other
accumulated hurts inside him.
The "Code"
To appropriately end the turmoil of our negative emotions, we
need to know how God intended for us to eliminate the pain,
rather than to cover it up. He intended for us to eliminate the
pain by addressing the cause of the pain.
When we have a toothache, we can take a pain killer, or we can
have the tooth fixed. When the tooth is "fixed," the pain stops.
Remember that emotional pain relates either to unmet
psychological needs or to roots of sin that exist inside.
Eliminating Emotional Pain
There are therefore two things we need to know about
eliminating our emotional pain.
- 1. We need to listen to the pain rather than run from it.
This way we can discover what it is telling us. When our
tooth hurts, we know something is wrong with our tooth,
rather than our foot.
2. Then we need to address the cause of the pain by
applying the appropriate "cure." We need to have our tooth
fixed by a dentist.
especially regarding the roots of sin. But it is possible to learn
how to do both, and therefore, it is possible to eliminate the
cause of our emotional pain so that the pain will stop.
Understanding The Language Of
Our Emotions
God gave us our "emotions," and He intended for them to be
useful to us. It is therefore possible to learn this mysterious
language that comes up from inside us. In other chapters I will
go into more detail about learning this language,
"emotions" is not a language like English, or Spanish. It is made
up of little sensations which are specific to the nature of the
hurt. It is a robust language with a large vocabulary. That way,
once I learn the language, I can tell precisely what the problem is.
Eliminating The Cause Of The Pain
Therefore, if there is a wound inside us, our negative emotions
are our friend telling us about this problem. What do we do in
response to the negative emotion (the "alarm" going off)? We
need to key in the "code."
When the cause of the alarm is sin (judging the other person, for
example), there is only one "code" that works. The "code" that
God has provided is the provision for the washing away of our
sin through the forgiveness provided by the sacrifice of Jesus.
This Way Works
This "code" works. When we forgive and are forgiven, the
negative emotion stops. It stops because the wound that the
pain was warning us about has been healed. The sin has been
washed away, and Jesus has come into that place in our heart.
The "burglar" is now gone.
Jesus' provision truly is Good News!
When I was angry with the other driver who didn't go through the
green light, I had judged him. I needed to take care of that as
soon as I could, immediately if possible. That way I could catch
the "burglar" before he had a chance to do any damage.
My Emotions Are My Guide
After I pray, if I still find myself agitated, especially if my anger is
extreme and is contaminating my day, I need to look for a long
buried root. Perhaps I had judged my parents for never paying
attention to my needs.
Even worse, perhaps I judged myself as being unworthy to have
my needs met by others; and therefore it is left up to me to take
care of myself.
Certainly, it is true that the other driver was not sensitive to my
needs, and it was his behavior that touched that wound deep
inside me. But it wasn't what he did that was the problem.
What planted the bitter root was my reaction to what he did.
Feeling the emotion gives me an opportunity to face what I did
and thus to be set free from the consequences of the bitter root.
See Chapters 2 through 5 for more on this process.
It Is Complicated,
And Yet Simple
The code to my home burglar alarm is simple, but this “code” to
end my negative emotions appropriately is complex. It is
complex because many of the old roots of bitterness are deeply
buried and I have forgotten about them. I cannot remember
many of them myself. It is therefore too complex for me to
understand.
But it is not too complicated for Jesus, and He will lead me in this
process of finding the bitter roots and being healed. I may also
need another person to walk through this with me, such as a
trusted friend, or a counselor.
I Need To Listen Inside
I also need to listen inside, to the emotion that is telling me
something is wrong.
Ideally, teaching me how to listen to my emotion and to then pray
was the job assigned to my parents. In my own childhood, my
parents were as ignorant about this as I, so there was no way for
them to teach me. In fact, they did the opposite of facilitating my
ability to hear inside.
My parents (or other caregiver) wounded me, and I built a wall
inside, which reduced my pain, but it also reduced my innate
ability to hear my emotions. Unfortunately, many parents are
unable to mentor their children in order to help them hear what is
going on inside them.
It Is Never Too Late
If this is true of you, now as an adult you need to have the barrier
inside removed, and then to learn what your parents should
have taught you when you were very young --- how to
understand the valuable friend you have inside. It is never too
late.
When I first realized how shut down I had been inside, I
questioned the Lord, "Why didn't I know this earlier?" I felt bitter
because I had to suffer for many years before I became aware of
the truth. But then I realized how blessed I was. Many people
never learn about the "code," and they suffer for their whole life.
We are blessed to know this now.
Are “Bad” Emotions Sin?
Many of us have been taught that "bad" emotions are sin. For
instance we may have been taught that it is a sin to feel jealous.
However, it should now be clear to you that it is not a sin to feel
jealous. There is nothing wrong with that emotion, and so we do
not need to repent of feeling jealous. The emotion is simply the
message system. There is a sin present, but the sin is not the
feeling.
The Negative Emotion Guides Me
There is a root of bitterness inside us (planted by a sinful
reaction of judging), and we need to know about the presence of
this bitter root.
- • The judging was sin.
• The message (emotion) telling us this fact
is not sin.
that. This may sound like hair splitting, but there is a profound
difference between the feeling and the root.
The bitter root of sin exists, and the feeling is just the signal
telling us about the root. The signal is not sin, but rather it is just
our faithful messenger, our helper, and our friend.
Killing The Messenger
In ancient times, when a messenger brought bad news, the king
had the messenger killed. Of course, the problem wasn't the
messenger or the message he carried. The messenger was
simply a mechanism for informing the king of what was going on
elsewhere.
When something bad was happening elsewhere, the news was
bad. We now look at the king's response and see how ridiculous
that is. And yet that is exactly what we have done if we have
shut off our emotions because they are "bad."
Repressing Emotions Hurts Us
Repressing or trying to squash our emotions produces negative
consequences in our lives. We are the ones who suffer. When
we repress the negative emotions to keep from feeling the pain,
we miss out on the awareness that something inside needs
attention. That is what the negative emotions are trying to tell us.
If we continue to ignore them, there will be unfortunate
consequences. Whatever is wrong inside will eventually come
to the surface in some fashion, because the problem inside will
become too large to ignore.
Ulcers, insomnia, and uncontrolled outbursts of anger are
common examples of this. When we do not allow emotions to
come "straight out" (listen to them and resolve them) as God
intended, they eventually come out "sideways" and produce
problems in our life.
Knowing What We Need
Since we are needy creatures, it is important that we have a way
of knowing what is good for us so we can seek it out and receive
it.
Feeling both positive and negative emotions is
therefore meant to be our way of navigating through life.
Unfortunately, when we repress our negative feelings, we lose
the good ones too. "The tragic thing about burying or
smothering negative feelings is that it doesn’t stop with them.
The good, positive ones get clobbered at the same time."
(Jacobs, p.25).
Can You Rely On Your Emotions?
It may shock you to know that your emotions are always
100% accurate. Your emotions are not sometimes accurate, or
often accurate. They are always accurate - - - in one way. They
always tell you exactly what is going on inside you.
Because of old wounds and the reactions that are triggered by
their presence, our emotions may not be an accurate measure of
what is going on outside of us.
For instance, I might feel rejected by the host at a party, only to
find out later he liked me! My emotion was not an accurate
indicator of what was happening in my relationship with the host
at the party (what was happening outside me).
What Was Going On Inside Me
Nevertheless, the feeling was giving me very important
information about what was happening inside me. In this
situation, my emotion was saying I have an old root of bitterness
that was triggered when I felt rejected. I need to know this so
that I can find the old root of rejection and be healed.
Whenever my emotions are not appropriate to the
circumstances, this is an important clue that there is a wound
inside me that needs to be taken care of. In these situations, if I
blame others, or circumstances, or if I dismiss my emotions as
undesirable, I rob myself of the opportunity of seeing that I have
a wound inside me. Then I miss out on the opportunity of being
healed.
My emotion was my friend giving me important information about
what was going on inside me.
Be aware that subtle negative emotions also give you important
information. The walk of constantly listening to your negative
emotions should not be limited to "nuclear blasts." In fact, the
majority of negative emotions that you feel will be fairly mild.
For instance, you may be a bit irritated because your wife left the
top off the toothpaste tube, but you may not be so angry as to
start an argument.
The Small Emotions Count
Nevertheless, this emotion of irritation is still a signal that you
judged her, and so you need to pray. Otherwise these little bitter
roots will accumulate (a bundle of bitter roots will be forming in
your heart), and at some point you may explode at her over
something minor.
For most of us, these sorts of mild reactions happen many times
a day, and we therefore need to pray many times a day. If we do
this we don't have to carry the burden of those sinful reactions,
because Jesus takes them. We then experience the rest that
Jesus promised.
Do It!
We need to learn this language so that we can understand what
our emotions are telling us, and thus to benefit from the
information.
It is of utmost importance that you actually act in
applying the blood of Jesus every time your anger tells
you that you have judged, or you will have no change in
your life.
But HOW do you apply the blood of Jesus?
In order for you to learn HOW to do this, you first need
to understand WHY those wounds inside are so
powerful that they are able to compel you to do what
you hate.
What you have been reading is from my book,
"I Will Give You Rest."
Complete Your Journey
If you like what you have read so far, you will love
the rest of the book.
Please feel free to spend as much time as you like
on this website for free.
There is information here you will not find
anywhere else.
If what you have been reading on this website has
been helpful to you, you should get the book to get
the rest of the story.
Only about half of the contents of the book are
posted on the website, and you will need the rest of
the information to complete your journey to healing.
Buying and using the book will be one of the best
investments of $21 you ever made in yourself. And
you can return it for a full refund if it does not
measure up to your expectations.
If you can not afford to buy a copy, email us your
situation and we will consider sending you a free
copy. We want everyone to experience the
freedom Jesus promised!
Copyright 2013 Edward Kurath
Divinely Designed
Being changed into the image of Jesus
Being changed into the image of Jesus
Click here to go to Chapter 2 where this is explained. |
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