Day 5
Forgiving Ends These Problems
Jesus Can Set You Free
Forgiveness Is Essential
We have seen that "judging" is what plants the bitter roots in our heart that causes us to
have bad fruit in our lives. This is a serious condition, and we need a way to be set free
from the influence of these bitter roots. Forgiving and being forgiven by God is the
cure. It is the only way that the bitter root is pulled out and replaced by a good root,
which is the presence of Jesus in us.
God has told us a great deal about why forgiveness is essential.
something from outside the natural course of this world to set us free: in other words, a
miracle. What Jesus does for us when He provides forgiveness of sin is such a miracle.
It is a legal transaction that occurs in the spiritual realm, and it washes away the debt we
owe and removes the bitter root inside us. Once the bitter root has been removed, and
Jesus has moved into that place in our heart, good fruit begins to grow from this new
good root.
What Does It Mean To Forgive?
There are two common obstacles that often make it difficult for us to forgive. The first
obstacle is that we misunderstand what God meant by "forgive." "Forgive" is a word
that is so common among Christians that we think we know what it means.
Many of us have heard something like, “Forgive and forget." We try to do that, and we
find we can’t forget what the person did to us. Then we think we haven’t forgiven. Or
perhaps somebody has hurt us, and we may believe that forgiving means we need to
allow that person to hurt us again. Then something inside us doesn’t want to forgive,
because we are afraid we will get hurt again.
However, God loves you and He will not ask you to do something that is not good for
you, or is dangerous or destructive to you. Once you understand what God meant
when He told you to forgive, you will find it much easier to forgive from your heart.
What Forgiveness Is NOT
Forgiveness is not the following:It is not saying the person did not hurt us, when he or
she in fact did.
1. It is not relieving the other person of their responsibility or making excuses for
their actions. For example, “My parents couldn’t help it," or “They did the best they
could," or “I’d have done the same thing if I had been in their shoes.”
2. It is not forgetting what the other person did. We can’t forget, but the hurt can
be removed from the memory, and we can be forgiven for our judging.
3. It is not trusting the other person again when he or she is still unsafe – becoming
vulnerable to the person again may not be wise.
4. It is not a “feeling." Rather, forgiving is a decision. However, when forgiveness
has been accomplished we will feel differently about the other person whenever we
think of them.
5. It is not saying or pretending we weren’t hurt and/or that we weren’t angry; or
ignoring the hurt feeling because we aren’t supposed to be angry. Rather, we need to
process our feelings, not stuff them inside.
What Forgiveness IS
Forgiveness is deciding not to hold the other person in debt. Unforgiveness says, “You
unjustly hurt me, and you owe me a debt. I will make you pay.” Forgiveness says,
“Even though you hurt me and owe me a debt, I am writing it off. You owe me
nothing. It is not my place to make you pay, and I release you to the judgment of
Jesus. He is the just Judge, and He will rightly decide the case. If there is any penalty,
He will collect it.” Forgiveness does not say, “Go get 'em, God. You make him pay.”
Such a statement clearly reveals bitterness still lodged in the heart.
We Are The Ones Who Suffer
If we do not forgive, we are the ones who suffer. God is a just judge, which means
that no one ever gets away with anything, ever, anywhere. Not everyone believes this,
but it is true. The law of God is inescapable, and whatever we sow, we will surely reap,
Remove Bitter Roots Immediately!
Bitter roots are easier to get rid of if we remove them soon after they are planted. The
longer they are allowed to grow, the larger they get and the more difficult they are to
pull out. Gardeners understand this. When a weed first comes up in a garden, it is
small and frail. It can be plucked out easily. However, if one neglects the garden for
some time, pulling the weeds is a big job. Healing is easier if you remove a bitter root as
soon as it is planted.
Who Do We Need To Forgive?
There are probably many people we need to forgive.
However, the deepest hurts come from judging God and judging ourselves. Yet it may
seem strange and new to be praying and forgiving God and ourselves.
How We See God
Our childhood experience with our parents powerfully affects our adult relationship with
God.
God ordained a very special position for our parents. We are spiritually connected to
them, and their love and protection are essential for us. Because of this special position,
they give us our first experiences with authority.
In whatever ways they fail in their duties as parents (and all parents fail sometimes), we
judge them. These judgments influence our view of all authorities. Since God is the
"ultimate parent," we see God as being like our parents.
If our parents were mean, or violent, or judgmental, we now expect God to be that
way. We can know all the verses in the Bible that tell us God loves us and tenderly
cares for us, and yet somehow we find ourselves being afraid of Him.
Also, if parents are neglectful, we don't expect God to be interested in us. This is my
story. My problem is that I grew up having to take care of myself; and so when I am
faced with a problem, I tend to just jump in and solve it myself. It doesn't occur to me
to look to God, because I learned to depend on myself.
But, God isn't like my parents. He is always there for me and never neglects me.
Believing that God is like our parents is a deep root in all of us. Look for this pattern in
your life.
Importance Of Forgiving God
Somehow it seems weird to forgive God, because He did not do anything wrong! And
perhaps it is scary to think that we may have blamed Him. But I believe that all of us
have judged Him in some way.
It is important to recognize that for us to have judged another does not mean that person
actually wronged us. What is important is that it feels like he or she has wronged us.
For instance, we may feel that a friend has rejected us, and we may have become angry
and judged him. Then we may find out later that the friend did not reject us at all. It
was just a misunderstanding. Even though the friend didn’t actually wrong us, we still
need to forgive him and be forgiven.
This is the way it is with God. He did not do anything wrong, but when we judged
Him, we thought He had. Therefore, we still need to forgive Him.
Importance Of Forgiving Yourself
It may also seem strange to recognize that you have judged yourself. Forgiving and
asking for forgiveness for judging yourself may seem very unusual and unnatural. But
Paul said that God is the only one who has a right to judge you. You do not have this
right. Your relationship with yourself is very important. You need to repair it where it
is damaged, and you need to live with yourself in a new and loving way.
I have counseled people who have been working on their Inner Healing for years and
who have forgiven every person imaginable, and yet they were still suffering great
emotional pain. I have found that the key for these people is that they had judged
themselves and have not forgiven and been forgiven.
You see, we all speak to ourselves regularly, but it is frequently harsh and judgmental
talk. The thing that feels weird about speaking to ourselves in forgiveness is not that we
are talking to ourselves, but that we are saying nice things to ourselves.
How To Pray
Forgiveness must come from the heart:
Jesus always looks on the heart, not the behavior, and we can't fool Him.
The Importance Of Words
Words are very important in our prayers of forgiveness. God set up the universe in
such a way that words have power. Then God said, "Let there be light," and there was
light (Genesis 1:3). The words that I speak bring my thoughts into reality. Once they
are spoken, it is as though a legal contract has been signed in the spiritual realm. The
words can be "bad" and bring about difficulty or they can be "good" and bring about
freedom.
How To Forgive God And Yourself
For example, imagine that your best friend completely forgets about your birthday. You
are hurt by this, and you begin to withdraw from the relationship. Your friend can tell
that you are angry, but doesn't know why. When you realize that you have judged him
(or her), you need to pray to forgive and be forgiven. This takes care of the spiritual
aspect of the problem, but now you need to restore your relationship with your friend.
You need to go to your friend, confess that you have judged him, and have allowed your
bitterness to affect how you have treated him. Then you ask him to forgive you for
withdrawing, and your friendship is restored.
In a similar way, when you have judged God or yourself, you likewise need to resolve
the problem in the spiritual realm as well as the problem in the relationship. After all,
these are the two most important relationships you have, and judgments interfere with
these intimate relationships. You need these two relationships to be loving, open, and
intimate, or life will not go well.
Summary
Forgiving (and being forgiven by God) is the only door to freedom. It is the only means
available for stopping the bad fruit in our lives –
for us to stop doing the things that we hate.
Reflection:
What is the cure for the bitter roots that we have planted inside?
Can you think of an area in your life where there is bitter fruit or a negative
repeating pattern?
Are you able to trace it back to the root?
If you were able to identify the root that is producing the bitter fruit, would you
be willing to pray, forgiving and being forgiven for the judgment that caused the
bitter root? (Remember, this has to be from your heart).
If in the prior chapter you listed some people who you feel anger towards, try
forgiving them; and then after you pray, see how you feel towards them. Is there
more peace?
Forgiving Ends These Problems
Jesus Can Set You Free
Forgiveness Is Essential
We have seen that "judging" is what plants the bitter roots in our heart that causes us to
have bad fruit in our lives. This is a serious condition, and we need a way to be set free
from the influence of these bitter roots. Forgiving and being forgiven by God is the
cure. It is the only way that the bitter root is pulled out and replaced by a good root,
which is the presence of Jesus in us.
God has told us a great deal about why forgiveness is essential.
- 1. Forgiveness is important to God. His son, Jesus, is the only Judge of the
universe. When we judge, we attempt to take His place.
2. Forgiveness is important for us. When we judge another, we sin and this
plants a bitter root in our heart. This bitter root will produce bad fruit. There is
only one cure for this, and that is the blood of Jesus. He shed His blood to take
away our sins. We need His blood to wash away this sin of judging so we don’t
have to reap the resulting consequences that come about from the operation of
God's laws. The only way to accomplish this is to forgive (from our heart) the
one who hurt us, and then to be forgiven by Jesus. When He forgives us, He
pays the debt we owe in the spiritual realm, and we are set free from the
consequences we would otherwise have to pay for our debt If we don’t forgive
from our heart, we won’t be forgiven by God (although this sin will not send us
to hell). If we are not forgiven by God, we will continue to do the things we
hate (we will continue to experience the reaping from the operation of God’s
laws). There simply is no other way to be set free.
something from outside the natural course of this world to set us free: in other words, a
miracle. What Jesus does for us when He provides forgiveness of sin is such a miracle.
It is a legal transaction that occurs in the spiritual realm, and it washes away the debt we
owe and removes the bitter root inside us. Once the bitter root has been removed, and
Jesus has moved into that place in our heart, good fruit begins to grow from this new
good root.
What Does It Mean To Forgive?
There are two common obstacles that often make it difficult for us to forgive. The first
obstacle is that we misunderstand what God meant by "forgive." "Forgive" is a word
that is so common among Christians that we think we know what it means.
Many of us have heard something like, “Forgive and forget." We try to do that, and we
find we can’t forget what the person did to us. Then we think we haven’t forgiven. Or
perhaps somebody has hurt us, and we may believe that forgiving means we need to
allow that person to hurt us again. Then something inside us doesn’t want to forgive,
because we are afraid we will get hurt again.
However, God loves you and He will not ask you to do something that is not good for
you, or is dangerous or destructive to you. Once you understand what God meant
when He told you to forgive, you will find it much easier to forgive from your heart.
What Forgiveness Is NOT
Forgiveness is not the following:It is not saying the person did not hurt us, when he or
she in fact did.
1. It is not relieving the other person of their responsibility or making excuses for
their actions. For example, “My parents couldn’t help it," or “They did the best they
could," or “I’d have done the same thing if I had been in their shoes.”
2. It is not forgetting what the other person did. We can’t forget, but the hurt can
be removed from the memory, and we can be forgiven for our judging.
3. It is not trusting the other person again when he or she is still unsafe – becoming
vulnerable to the person again may not be wise.
4. It is not a “feeling." Rather, forgiving is a decision. However, when forgiveness
has been accomplished we will feel differently about the other person whenever we
think of them.
5. It is not saying or pretending we weren’t hurt and/or that we weren’t angry; or
ignoring the hurt feeling because we aren’t supposed to be angry. Rather, we need to
process our feelings, not stuff them inside.
What Forgiveness IS
Forgiveness is deciding not to hold the other person in debt. Unforgiveness says, “You
unjustly hurt me, and you owe me a debt. I will make you pay.” Forgiveness says,
“Even though you hurt me and owe me a debt, I am writing it off. You owe me
nothing. It is not my place to make you pay, and I release you to the judgment of
Jesus. He is the just Judge, and He will rightly decide the case. If there is any penalty,
He will collect it.” Forgiveness does not say, “Go get 'em, God. You make him pay.”
Such a statement clearly reveals bitterness still lodged in the heart.
We Are The Ones Who Suffer
If we do not forgive, we are the ones who suffer. God is a just judge, which means
that no one ever gets away with anything, ever, anywhere. Not everyone believes this,
but it is true. The law of God is inescapable, and whatever we sow, we will surely reap,
- “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will
also reap.” (Galatians 6:7)
Remove Bitter Roots Immediately!
Bitter roots are easier to get rid of if we remove them soon after they are planted. The
longer they are allowed to grow, the larger they get and the more difficult they are to
pull out. Gardeners understand this. When a weed first comes up in a garden, it is
small and frail. It can be plucked out easily. However, if one neglects the garden for
some time, pulling the weeds is a big job. Healing is easier if you remove a bitter root as
soon as it is planted.
Who Do We Need To Forgive?
There are probably many people we need to forgive.
However, the deepest hurts come from judging God and judging ourselves. Yet it may
seem strange and new to be praying and forgiving God and ourselves.
How We See God
Our childhood experience with our parents powerfully affects our adult relationship with
God.
God ordained a very special position for our parents. We are spiritually connected to
them, and their love and protection are essential for us. Because of this special position,
they give us our first experiences with authority.
In whatever ways they fail in their duties as parents (and all parents fail sometimes), we
judge them. These judgments influence our view of all authorities. Since God is the
"ultimate parent," we see God as being like our parents.
If our parents were mean, or violent, or judgmental, we now expect God to be that
way. We can know all the verses in the Bible that tell us God loves us and tenderly
cares for us, and yet somehow we find ourselves being afraid of Him.
Also, if parents are neglectful, we don't expect God to be interested in us. This is my
story. My problem is that I grew up having to take care of myself; and so when I am
faced with a problem, I tend to just jump in and solve it myself. It doesn't occur to me
to look to God, because I learned to depend on myself.
But, God isn't like my parents. He is always there for me and never neglects me.
Believing that God is like our parents is a deep root in all of us. Look for this pattern in
your life.
Importance Of Forgiving God
Somehow it seems weird to forgive God, because He did not do anything wrong! And
perhaps it is scary to think that we may have blamed Him. But I believe that all of us
have judged Him in some way.
It is important to recognize that for us to have judged another does not mean that person
actually wronged us. What is important is that it feels like he or she has wronged us.
For instance, we may feel that a friend has rejected us, and we may have become angry
and judged him. Then we may find out later that the friend did not reject us at all. It
was just a misunderstanding. Even though the friend didn’t actually wrong us, we still
need to forgive him and be forgiven.
This is the way it is with God. He did not do anything wrong, but when we judged
Him, we thought He had. Therefore, we still need to forgive Him.
Importance Of Forgiving Yourself
It may also seem strange to recognize that you have judged yourself. Forgiving and
asking for forgiveness for judging yourself may seem very unusual and unnatural. But
Paul said that God is the only one who has a right to judge you. You do not have this
right. Your relationship with yourself is very important. You need to repair it where it
is damaged, and you need to live with yourself in a new and loving way.
I have counseled people who have been working on their Inner Healing for years and
who have forgiven every person imaginable, and yet they were still suffering great
emotional pain. I have found that the key for these people is that they had judged
themselves and have not forgiven and been forgiven.
You see, we all speak to ourselves regularly, but it is frequently harsh and judgmental
talk. The thing that feels weird about speaking to ourselves in forgiveness is not that we
are talking to ourselves, but that we are saying nice things to ourselves.
How To Pray
Forgiveness must come from the heart:
- So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does
not forgive his brother his trespasses (Matthew 18:35).
Jesus always looks on the heart, not the behavior, and we can't fool Him.
The Importance Of Words
Words are very important in our prayers of forgiveness. God set up the universe in
such a way that words have power. Then God said, "Let there be light," and there was
light (Genesis 1:3). The words that I speak bring my thoughts into reality. Once they
are spoken, it is as though a legal contract has been signed in the spiritual realm. The
words can be "bad" and bring about difficulty or they can be "good" and bring about
freedom.
How To Forgive God And Yourself
For example, imagine that your best friend completely forgets about your birthday. You
are hurt by this, and you begin to withdraw from the relationship. Your friend can tell
that you are angry, but doesn't know why. When you realize that you have judged him
(or her), you need to pray to forgive and be forgiven. This takes care of the spiritual
aspect of the problem, but now you need to restore your relationship with your friend.
You need to go to your friend, confess that you have judged him, and have allowed your
bitterness to affect how you have treated him. Then you ask him to forgive you for
withdrawing, and your friendship is restored.
In a similar way, when you have judged God or yourself, you likewise need to resolve
the problem in the spiritual realm as well as the problem in the relationship. After all,
these are the two most important relationships you have, and judgments interfere with
these intimate relationships. You need these two relationships to be loving, open, and
intimate, or life will not go well.
Summary
Forgiving (and being forgiven by God) is the only door to freedom. It is the only means
available for stopping the bad fruit in our lives –
for us to stop doing the things that we hate.
Reflection:
What is the cure for the bitter roots that we have planted inside?
Can you think of an area in your life where there is bitter fruit or a negative
repeating pattern?
Are you able to trace it back to the root?
If you were able to identify the root that is producing the bitter fruit, would you
be willing to pray, forgiving and being forgiven for the judgment that caused the
bitter root? (Remember, this has to be from your heart).
If in the prior chapter you listed some people who you feel anger towards, try
forgiving them; and then after you pray, see how you feel towards them. Is there
more peace?
Divinely Designed
Being changed into the image of Jesus
A miracle can happen to you, like the transformation that
happens when a worm is transformed into a butterfly
(2 Corinthians 3:18).
Being changed into the image of Jesus
A miracle can happen to you, like the transformation that
happens when a worm is transformed into a butterfly
(2 Corinthians 3:18).
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